Long ago I heard a fable I heard a fable of a mother eagle laying two eggs. To help them hatch, one she barely pecks at all while the other she helps more than necessary. The baby from the first egg succumbs to the entrapment of her shell while the second loathes flying on his […]
The toughest task of any manager-leader is providing critical feedback and doing it in a benign and productive way. The day you master how to provide constructive and corrective feedback without drawing blood is the day you can claim to have touched the shores of leadership wisdom. Feedback that may appear hard on the surface is actually supportive and developmental at the core.
These five simple attitudinal and behavioural practices for providing feedback will not just build others but inspire them to do better at work, and even life.
Appreciative Feedback
Many years ago I read a book entitled True Freedom written by an Australian monk living in Thailand. He wrote about a day when he was extremely mad at a junior monk for having messed up on a project. He sent for the monk and had planned to give him a tongue lashing to remember. As he sat there fuming, he realized he did not like the “state” he had driven himself into! Soon he began to think of the many years he had known the junior monk. He remembered the times they had laughed together at other failures and successes. He remembered the times they had struggled and survived through tough periods. A smile slowly came upon his face just at the time when the junior monk knocked at his door and asked to be let in.
You can guess pretty well how that planned tongue lashing went. At the end of 20 minutes, after they brainstormed ideas and action plans, they parted ways laughingly and with hearts and minds filled with new vigour and hope.
So, whenever you get mad or upset at any of your people’s’ performance, look back at their track record, look back at your relationship and from that perspective, slowly and gently speak up and co-create solutions and plans for growth. The rule of thumb in providing corrective feedback appreciatively is to see the big picture, delete your ego from the equation and mutually find a way forward into growth and success.
Inspired by the book, the HeART of the CLOSE.
12/14/15 Inspire Like a CEO in Mumbai http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/inspire.html
12/21/15 Appreciative Leadership in Bangalore http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Workshops/ai-mail.html
Books on Amazon: http://goo.gl/OZSMj8
Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU
Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm
Choice Clips from ExPat InSights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo
In the summer of ’97, while I was enrolled in an advanced strategy and business economics program (SBEP) at the wonderful University of Asia Pacific, we were busy forecasting the impact of the upcoming presidential elections in the Philippines.
Several groups of executives from different industries huddled up, crunched numbers, argued and came up with two outcomes at the end of a harrowing afternoon. First, the Philippines’ Peso which was at Pesos 37 would cross Pesos 40 to 1 U.S. Dollar before Christmas that year. Second, Senator Joseph Ejercito Estrada would make a dandy President for the country. Well, one of the two predictions did come true.
Scores of times since then I have seen businesses and business heads come together every year and figure out what the future holds for their business and how, precisely can they forecast, see ahead of the curve and drive their businesses strategically and fruitfully. It’s a great exercise and, well again, usually one out of their two predictions comes true. And, that is a good thing.
Eyes on the Road ahead, and Ear to the Ground.
A better thing might be if leaders and organizations focus a lot more on exploiting the future that is happening right now in the here and now. Many a times, no, most of the time leaders of organization get so taken in by their intelligences and plan that they, in a way, put on blinders towards all else that may be happening right now and within their reach and scope. Innovation need not, always, happen in idea-generating rooms or forums. Innovative leaders need to keep a sharp eye out for what is happening in the marketplace in terms of change in demographics, weather, competition, technological advances and in the political arena. Our plans of action and our goals need to be placed in right front of us. Our hearts and hands need to be occupied with what is being created and, yes, our ears need to be kept on the ground because many a times the future that we plan to exploit is occurring right here and right now.
Raju Mandhyan
My upcoming open to public events:
11/17/15 Communicating and Leading across Cultures in Dubai: http://goo.gl/ajjp2l
12/14/15 Inspire Like a CEO in Mumbai http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/inspire.html
12/21/15 Appreciative Leadership in Bangalore http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Workshops/ai-mail.html
Books on Amazon: http://goo.gl/OZSMj8
Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU
Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm
Choice Clips from ExPat InSights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo
Any business organization, like a tree, when it begins to die it begins to die from the top. It doesn’t matter whether they are giant multinationals or small startups but their lifespan and their social impact last only as long as their leaders learn to walk the line straight and walk it with persistence and vision. Most important of the three elements is their abilities to walk the line straight especially where their “people” dealings are concerned.
Do they treat and grow their people right? Do they serve their customers beyond their own self and do they stay accountable to the state-which too, is made up of people. A robust and successful business is driven by integrity and the integrity of an organization is made up of the character of its leaders.
Continual Christmas Leadership
Thus, if you are hiring and placing someone to sit atop your organization and manage things then check and look if they are made of stuff ethical and accountable leaders are made of. And, if you are running your own business than promise your-self to walk the path of integrity though good times as well as tough because the strength and the spirit of any organization germinates from the top and feeds it’s heart.
Here’s what Benjamin Franklin had to say about “Let no pleasure tempt thee, no profit allure thee, no persuasion move thee, to do anything which thou knowest to be evil; so shalt thou always live jollity; for a good conscience is a continual Christmas.”
My upcoming open to public events:
11/17/15 Communicating and Leading Across Cultures in Dubai : http://goo.gl/ajjp2l
12/14/15 Inspire Like a CEO in Mumbai http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/inspire.html
12/21/15 Appreciative Leadership in Bangalore http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Workshops/ai-mail.html
Books on Amazon: http://goo.gl/OZSMj8
Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU
Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm
Choice Clips from ExPat InSights : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo
A few years ago on ExPat InSights, I was sitting across the CEO of the NCO Group in the Philippines, Keith Jones, and to one of my questions “What are your plans for your future?” He responded very confidently and calmly, “I am a global person, Raju, and I will take wherever I am needed and where I can add value.” For days and still until now the memory of his confidence and calmness has stayed on in my mind.
For years before that I had and also continue working with hundreds of such global executives coming in and, sometimes, going out of the Philippines. My interaction with them is called Cross Cultural Training but one of the executives referred it to as, “This was much more than just training but rather an in-depth coaching and immersion in the Filipino culture. The learning and insights were precious and I will apply them from day one and every day on.”
Going back to Keith Jones’ statement, today, I live with the conclusion and research proves it that global executives can move with calm, with confidence and create value across cultures when they learn to place themselves in the shoes of people of diverse cultures as they traverse across the globe. Of course, there is more than just stepping into the shoes of another but doing a lot more. It is compassion, it is vision, it is authentic value-creating action but the first step is stepping into the other person’s shoes.
In the Philippines, where I live, there is a word-a value called “Kapwa” and it is an all encompassing word that somehow gives cross cultural communications and leadership such credence and brilliance. The dictionaries translate it as neighbor, reflection, one-of-a-pair, kindred etc., my “paramdam” is that it is all those translations and a lot more. It is also kindness, mercy, empathy, compassion and love all placed in one for all other human beings and for humankind itself.
Communicating Across Cultures
Cross-cultural leaders like Keith Jones and Jeff Uthoff of Telus International know it intuitively, in their gut, in fact they “paramdam” it. Paramdam, by the way is to sense, too intuite, to know without being told.
Taking this first step of learning to place ourselves in the shoes of others starting with the assumption that in every human being, in every system and culture there is something that works, something that is beautiful and brilliant. Our job, our first objective is to seek and let this brilliance evolve, unleash itself.
My upcoming open to public events:
11/17/15 Communicating and Leading Across Cultures in Dubai : http://goo.gl/ajjp2l
12/14/15 Inspire Like a CEO in Mumbai: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/inspire.html
12/21/15 Appreciative Leadership in Bangalore: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Workshops/ai-index.html
http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Workshops/ai-index.html
Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU
Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm
Choice Clips from ExPat InSights : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo
More than a decade ago, I was invited to compére a dinner meeting for a lady presidential candidate in the Philippines. My job was to stay within the theme of the evening, introduce others and keep the transitions lively and contextual.
Days before the event, I gathered the material, read resumes and prepared my lines and timing. On the night before the event, I had everything down to a pat. That night in bed, the challenge of the next day, seemed bigger and scarier than usual.
I tossed and turned restlessly late into the night. Finally, when I did sleep, I had a nightmare. In the nightmare, I was up on the stage next to all the speakers and the lights were strong on my face. Awed by the crowd, I went into a state of shock. From nowhere the lady chief guest walked up to me, handed me the microphone and said, “Raju, it is your turn!”
My turn! I tried grappling with the pages in my hands which began to fly and circle around me in slow motion. The microphone turned into a cobra and stared me down. When I looked down at my finely dressed audience…they had changed. In their place were people of all kinds. I saw fishermen, street hawkers, and gaunt-faced ladies with cigarettes dangling from their lips. On the floor there were hundreds of crawling babies screaming at their mothers to stop smoking and pay attention to them. My wife was in the crowd begging everyone to calm down and please listen to me, the speaker!
The back of the hall had somehow transformed into a runaway, railway compartment with dozens of big, burly men playing basketball in it. Bigger, burlier men with beer mugs in their hands were watching the game and screaming and shouting while the train of my life was hurtling away to hell!
In the nightmare, through the chaos, somehow, I heard someone knock at the door of the railway compartment. Covered in cold sweat, holding back a scream in my throat, I jumped out of my bed to answer the door!
The knocking on my bedroom door was real, and when I opened it there stood my little 7-year-old daughter, crying for her mother. I picked her up and held her against my heart. With her against my chest, I recognized the absurdity of the whole situation. The demons of anxiety and fear had been playing games with my mind. I realized my fears were unfounded, my jitters unnecessary. Slowly but steadily confidence and an inner peace seeped into my whole being.
I went to sleep assured that tomorrow, I was going to perform for a crowd and not go to war with the world. My fears were gone and the material that I had been working upon became mine. The next day I dazzled the crowd and the lady presidential candidate.
Today, decades later, I have learned techniques that can help speakers like us quell our nerves on the night before and be our best on stage the next day.
Master of Ceremonies!
Taken from the book, “The HeART of Public Speaking” found at
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ARaju%20Mandhyan
Though it is now history but it still doesn’t cease to amaze and awe me how some solo human beings were able grab oceans of injustice and flip them over for a better today and tomorrow. The only things that we as learners of leadership can look into are incidents of their lives and hope to get a glimpse of the power and spiritual structures of these giants. Here’s a peep into Nelson Mandela’s mindset from my book, the HeART of STORY.
“After spending nearly three decades in jail, a tall gaunt man steps out and announces to the world, “I was talking to another inmate in prison and he claimed unhappiness at having been unjustly locked in. At that moment, I had this amazing realization that it wasn’t I who was jailed for almost 30 years but it was my country, my nation that had been in chains much, much longer. This was the truth and it is my mission to free my country.”
Every single day thereafter, until his death, Nelson “Madiba” Mandela travelled the world telling them the story of suffering, of sorrow, and of racial injustice until the world responded to the plight of 50 million South Africans. He then went on to become that country’s president and to win the Nobel Peace Prize. He remains a shining example of human rights activism. During the last few decades of his life, as South Africans worked to heal and build their nation, Mandela’s mission became that of national storyteller. He did not just talk the promoter’s talk. He lived his talk, upholding the vision of everything that South Africa hoped to be. Without him weaving in the right values through repeated storytelling, his countrymen might not have gotten to know and love their nation as they do now.
These are powerful stories of influential leaders in their own fields and their ability to employ and leverage the power of authentic and heartfelt stories. Each of them promoted a different core Truth and exercised a unique style through various media, but every single one of them is a raconteur in his own right.”
I am glad you like that glimpse.
Friend and Author Ramon (Mon) Garcia feeding my ego.
On September 2, in Yangon, Myanmar I will run a session on The Leader as a Storyteller for managers and leader-to-be at the Hospital Management Awards.
On Septemper 12, Mumbai, India I will run a session titled Change Your Stories, Change Your Lives targetted for people from all walks of lives who want to get a grab on what their aspirations are, what is currently happeneing in their lives and then maybe knead and mold their own futures.
If you bring me a hard copy of my book, the HeART of STORY, plus leave me a compliment on Amazon I promise to gift you with a copy of my Pit Bulls & Entrpreneurs which is also a fun book filled with powerful, motivating stories about successes in starting up running your own enterprises.
Have fun and I hope to see you!
Let me start by talking about what coaching isn’t. Coaching is not telling. It is not teaching, not training, and not even mentoring. When you tell something to someone, you deliver sound and the listener probably hears it. Does he accept, understand, and act upon it? Only he will know and only he can say.
Coaching is not teaching. Teaching is when your listener doesn’t know the subject or the skill at hand as well as you do, and so you explain and maybe demonstrate. In this case you need to know the subject at hand much better and deeper than your listener or student.
Coaching is not training. Training is when you facilitate the learning of a skill; say biking or using Microsoft Excel. You can be referred to as a “coach” but you’re not truly coaching in the real sense.
Coaching is not mentoring. Mentor is the name of a man in whose care Telemachus, the son of King Ulysses of Ithaca was put under. Ulysses (also known as Odysseus in Greek) asked Mentor to look after his son when we went off to fight the legendary Trojan Wars which lasted 20 years. Apparently, Mentor did such a good job of caring for Telemachus that the word “mentor” moved into the language as the name for a person who teaches principles and practices to his pupil and protégé. Thus, you mentor someone also when you are better than him in specific subjects and skills.
To be a coach or to coach someone, you do not have to necessarily be better than the person you are coaching in that specific skill set. To coach is to evoke and to facilitate the unlocking of innate potential in the person you are coaching.
The professions that come closest to coaching might be a combination of doctor, counsellor, and guide. Yet these three are not quite coaching because they somehow prescribe and indoctrinate.
Coaching provides context but no content. Coaching provides the framework but doesn’t provide any principles to the one being coached. Coaching only challenges assumptions, unearths desires and strengths and then maybe co-designs a strategy to achieve those desires and optimize those strengths. A coach helps sets goals and then watches you while you execute and achieve them. There are thousands of definitions of coaching and thousands of principles for practicing coaching.
To establish a clear understanding of coaching let me, again take you back a few hundred years in time to Italy and modern day Rome.
In Florence, Italy, a young sculptor was commissioned to do a statue of a well-loved Biblical character out of a discarded Carrara marble piece. It was a project nobody wanted to be part of. Many other sculptors said the piece of marble was rotten, porous and scarred. None of them wanted to be associated with such work lest their names and honor be tainted.
Young Michelangelo, as he approached and circled the stained and scarred rock, paid little attention to the rumors or the damaged external conditions of the rock. His eyes and his heart saw only the beauty and elegance that lay hidden inside the rock. He imagined what the rock could become when all the unnecessary parts were chipped away by his skilled and caring hands. After many days and nights and months of laboring with love and chipping away the unnecessary from the rock, artist Michelangelo succeeded in unearthing and bringing to life the amazingly beautiful statue of David. It still stands tall and proud at the Galleria dell’ Accademia as a homage to an artist –a coach who saw beauty, brilliance and potential in a piece of discarded rock.
the HeART of the CLOSE by Raju Mandhyan
That, essentially, is the heart of coaching. It is the art and science of seeing something powerful inside of others and then carefully, lovingly and scientifically releasing and unleashing that potential. To be a coach is to be an awakener of sorts. To be a coach is to be an almost invisible, non-interfering guide by the side of your salesperson. Yes, that is coaching!
Taken from my upcoming book, the HeART of the CLOSE.
Find more insights like this one in my other books on Amazon
Connect with me on Facebook/Raju Mandhyan
Have you ever walked into a meeting late, because of heavy traffic en-route, and been unable to concentrate on agenda at hand right away? Does a part of you want to focus on the work while another part of you is still anxious, stressed and testy about the traffic conditions you just recovered from?
Seven Plus Minus Two Principle from NLP
Or, at times, have you tried to pitch a presentation to an important customer, behind a large desk, who is signing papers, taking calls, punching his keyboard, sipping coffee while politely asking you to keep on talking. He claims he can multi-task and is listening to you but at the end of your pitch you still feel let down.
Meeting maladies similar to these can be resolved by understanding, in depth, another principle of Neuro Linguistic Programming: At any given moment, our conscious mind, can only hold and juggle with seven plus or minus two chunks of thoughts.
For example, while driving through traffic, you are intensely navigating, formulating an explanation for your tardiness, reviewing your planned presentation, pondering upon discussions or activities you may have concluded earlier, reading your messages on your phone, planning the evening, regretting not having eaten a healthy breakfast, thinking of the family, etc; All this is hyper-mental activity. And, some of the areas that we reactively think about can be switched off to be able to calm yourself and focus on what is crucial. Just like a computer, the desktop of our mind can be faster and more efficient if it is running fewer applications at a given moment.
Your obvious question would be how do I do this? That’s correct. For yourself, you need to become conscious of the fact that you are running in a hyper mode and then zero in on your breathing and focus on it. A few minutes of paying attention to your breathing will shut down several less important issues the desktop of your mind may be juggling. If your mind wants to react, stop and go back to focusing on your breathing. In the long term practice will make you perfect.
How do you handle the customer behind the large desk, who wants you to go on talking when you know he is running in a hyper-mode and may not be giving you a hundred per cent attention? Stop speaking, slow down your presentation, deliberate on your pauses, and politely ask him to finish signing the papers or answering that email. Like: ” I see you like answering off important emails promptly?” That’ll break his trance, his pattern and he will look up and give you attention.
Ask him non-probing questions about the biggest chunk of thought he may be juggling on the desktop of his mind. Do or say anything that you feel will help him switch off some of the activities and give you better attention. A word of caution: Don’t be cheeky or obvious about it because that may embarrass him.
In summary, powerful leadership conversations are also about understanding and managing the subjective state rather than just what is on the surface. Practice these methods and you will find yourself achieving a lot more in half the time and at half the cost.
Find more insights like this one in my books on Amazon
Connect with me on Facebook/Raju Mandhyan
In the mid-1930s India, a spritely old man wrapped up in loincloth spoke of freedom, compassion, and peace. Mahatma Gandhi carried a big stick, marched across the nation to pick up a fistful of salt by the ocean, and eventually liberated the country. He spoke to his people through painted visions and he touched hearts through parables of possibilities, “Change,” he said “must come from the inside. We must become that change.”
Connect, Engage and Influence your World Creatively!
A few decades later in America, another visionary stepped on the podium and shortly after, set aside the text of his prepared remarks to improvise. Addressing a crowd of many thousands, he declared his dream—people from all corners of the country, from all walks of life, children of all races living together as one “to turn the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.” He announced his vision to the world to change a nation.
In the early 1980s in the Philippines, a journalist-turned-statesman chose to stand up against tyranny. Amid the toughest of odds, he flew home, stepped off the plane, and walked into the waiting jaws of death. This act of courage gave life to a story that inspired millions to act. Fired by his example and call of, “The Filipino is worth dying for!” the first ever people power revolution produced a peaceful transfer of leadership and changed the country’s future. People power became a global model for bringing about change at the country level.
In comparison to the last 20 years, the rate of progress and the proliferation of information and technology have been exponential and show no signs of plateauing. How people will regulate and sustain life stories in the future is unimaginable. The stories of today are flourished in diverse formats. They are told and retold to sound and music, in dance, in art, in words, in moving images, all in bytes and pixels. Stories travel, morph and multiply at the speed of light with a cursory glance and the touch of a fingertip.
Will this explosion of knowledge and ideas through technology ever change the concept and the heart of telling stories? The answer is a flat out no!
Here’s why:
A story is like mist that develops on the outside, but the wisdom emerges from the inside. When a story touches our hearts, it takes hold of us forever and silently sets us free. This is a never ending journey. It is also a never ending symphony. As long as this quest exists, stories will always fuel and fire us. And, since this is a never ending quest, we will always be leading ourselves and others happily into the ever after through stories.
That is the HeART of stories.
Drawn from the book, the HeART of STORY on Amazon.
Raju Mandhyan
701, Metropolitan Terraces,
Metropolitan Avenue, Makati City, Philippines 1200
Tel: +63.2.8959852
