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The HeART of Living Intentionally

Living intentionally means making conscious and purposeful choices in your life, rather than simply going with the flow or letting circumstances dictate your path. There are several compelling reasons why people should strive to live intentionally:

Living intentionally does three things for you:

  1. Personal Fulfillment: Living intentionally allows individuals to pursue goals and values that bring them a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose.
  2. Clarity and Direction: It provides a clear sense of direction and priorities, making decision-making easier and life more meaningful.
  3. Reduced Regret: Intentional living minimizes the likelihood of regret, as individuals actively shape their lives and take ownership of their decisions.

Samantha from the Philippines always had a passion for the environment and a desire to make a positive impact. After years of working in a corporate job that didn’t align with her values, she decided to live more intentionally. She left her job and embarked on a journey to reduce her ecological footprint and promote sustainability.

Samantha moved to a rural area and started a small organic farm. She grew her own vegetables, raised chickens for eggs, and adopted a sustainable, eco-friendly lifestyle. She educated herself on permaculture and sustainable farming practices to minimize her environmental impact.

Over time, Samantha’s blog and channel grew in popularity, and she turned her passion into a successful business. She began offering online courses and workshops on sustainable living, and her impact expanded beyond her local community. She was not only living a life that resonated with her deeply held values but also making a meaningful contribution to the global sustainability movement. Today, on her farm she offers free yoga and mindfulness retreats.

Samantha’s story demonstrates how intentional living can lead to personal fulfillment, a strong sense of purpose, and a positive impact on both one’s life and the world around them. It showcases the power of aligning one’s actions with their core values and passions to create a life that is both meaningful and impactful.

Let me know if you would like to connect with Samantha and live out your life intentionally too.

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the Voice of Leadership

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Do you ever wonder what makes any speaker-leader effective?

What makes her such that she stands taller and brighter than thousands of other speakers?

And, what makes her such that people do not just applaud her but stand up and shout, “Let’s march!” in response to her words?

When I was just but seven years old, my elder sister older to me by fifteen years, used to dress me up in a hand-me-down suit and necktie and send me off to pay a neighborly visit to our English-speaking’ family across our little house in Pune, India. The very large building across our house was full of Jewish families who had made India their home before the war. She used to tell me to play, spend time with Simon and Moshe, two boys who were just about my age then.

people stand up and respond with a “Let’s march to the sounds and dreams in her voice!”

 

“But Didee, I am scared! They are big. They look and speak so differently,” I would plead.

‘That is okay. They are kind people. They will not bite you!

But DIdee, I don’t speak good English. I am shy!

That’s okay, they will understand your not-so-good English. They might even like it.

But Didee, I went there just last Sunday. Why again?

Well, if you go often, you will pick up their ways faster,” she smiled.

So there I was every now and then popping in the lives of the Cohens across our house. Their home was way bigger than our home. It had a bedroom or two attached to the living room and kitchen. They’d let me in and I’d shyly walk in and plop myself at their dining table feeling lost in an alien land. Mrs. Cohen was kind. Simon, the elder kid was polite but Moshe, the five-year-old was a bit wild. Every now and then he’d walk up close and ‘boo’ me in my face.

After several such no-conversation visits, one day I think I asked for a glass of water. Or, maybe I said thank you very much. I do not remember what I said but Moshe screamed, “He speaks, he speaks, Raju speaks!” Then Simon and Moshe began to hope and dance around me excitedly and Mrs. Cohen smiled happily at me, I felt thrilled and like an idiot at the same time.

That, I believe today, was my very first public speaking experience. Ha!

Post that experience, I went on with my life in India and became an engineer at the age of twenty-three. Then a few years later, I left home and traveled the world doing business, raising kids of my own, and becoming a useful contributor in social and business circles until one day.

One day, at the age of forty-something, I headed a business organization in the Philippines, and at a conference; I had to introduce the chief guest, a presidential candidate in the Philippines at that time. I thought it would be easy. In fact, I thought it would be easy peasy, lemon squeezy but when I stepped up behind the lectern the heebie-jeebies hit me. I could not meet the eyes of the 300 odd people in front of me. I stuttered I blabbered, my mouth went dry and I made a total mess of the task. It was an absolute disaster. I was embarrassed that I wanted to bury my head into the ground and stay there for the rest of my living days. Also, that presidential candidate did not even come close to winning that election back in 1996 and I seriously suspect my introduction of him might have been the main cause for his failure.

Anyway, post that day I promised myself I will not such an incident ever occur again in my life. I promised myself that I will learn to face all kinds of audiences, I will learn to speak well in public and I will be able to speak upon different subjects with ease and élan. After that I immersed myself deeply into the paradigms and principles of public speaking and personal development. Over time my knowledge, skills, and confidence began to improve. Very soon instead of just learning it, I also began to coach others in the paradigms and practices of self-development.

Soon I acquired certificates, diplomas, and deeper knowledge of the principles. Over the last twenty years and more, I have run 1000s of workshops, delivered 100s of keynotes, and personally coached c-level executives across countries and cultures. And, it has been a long, happy, and very fulfilling journey in this profession that has gotten hold of my passion. The other day, an organization asked me to share my story and the things that I may have learned along the way. I have learned a lot and here are just three things that I believe make for a good speaker-leader. A ‘speaker-leader’ because I truly believe that the two are inseparable sisters, two sides of a coin which I like to call ‘the Voice of Leadership.’ Here are three little things believe will, eventually, help you find your leadership voice:

Come From Love:

Professional speakers across the world agree that the one thing that makes them be heard, be trusted, and be influential is when their audiences believe that the speaker-leader cares for their people. When leaders have care and respect for their people then connection, engagement, and influence become a cinch.

Every time I have stepped up on the stage, whether it be at the end of a table or behind a lectern, I performed well, I created tons of value when I cared for and respected the audience. Every time I forgot this fact and became excessively self-centered, I hardly delivered any value.

The practice I follow is that on event morning I spend some time meditating and reminding myself that my core objective is to care, respect, and serve. Then, several times before stepping up to the lectern, I remind myself that my core objective is to care, respect, and create value. This habit never fails to create magic.

When you come from love then your leadership voice becomes that of compassion and empathy. People sense and love that and respond positively.

Stand Up Speak Up:

This is about being authentic and true to your feelings and beliefs. It is also about being cognizant not just of the content but also the context of conversations. It is being brave and vulnerable at the same

Many years ago, at another presidential conference, the president of the country was late in coming. So to fill up time and entertain the people in the halls the organizers requested one of the local, popular singers to fill up the airtime. After belting out a few songs, she resorted to calling people up on stage to sing with her. One of her victims was an expatriate to the country who did not know the language or the local culture. Soon through her jokes, she turned him into a laughing stock.

He had no idea what was going on. I understood what was going and I felt bad for him. I turned to a few people in the room and said we should call this out but they just shrugged and asked me to let it pass. I was annoyed, almost angry, and wanted to call out the entertainer for her actions but I did not. I stayed glued to my seat as if my body were filled with cold lead. The moment passed but the ugly feeling it left inside me did not move on.

Post that moment, I began to perceive both the entertainer woman perpetrator and the expatriate victim with kindness and mercy. I figured that because of her lack of cultural sensitivity and lack of political correctness she knew not what she was doing. The expatriate person knew not what was going on. I was the one who could have stood up and spoken up. Since then, to redeem myself, I have not just sharpened my own sense of cultural sensitivities but also coached hundreds of senior executives across cultures to stand up and speak up sensitively and with respect for diversity.

When you make efforts to stand up and speak up in challenging and sensitive circumstances with the right choice of words and demeanor, you begin to exercise your voice of courage and authenticity. People respect that and turn towards you for guidance and direction.

Get Into the Pit Often:

All kinds of talent need nurturing and care. That is why dancers dance, singers sing and writers write with consistency and as a discipline.

For enhancing your communication, skills take and accept every opportunity to present at, to host or to facilitate meetings. Professional speakers will tell you that scores of times they will take up non-paid speaking assignments to keep their skills honed. Those that want to hone their leadership skills will tell you that they will take up responsibilities and risks to be on top of their game.

With repetitive practice and experience, you reach a point where you no longer need to think about what you are doing. You become competent without the significant effort that characterizes the state of conscious competence.

Thus, the way to get into the pit often to seek opportunities where you can get to speak or take charge of an assignment or a project to lead. As and when you have these opportunities make a sincere effort to place your best foot forward, learn, and grow with your successes and from failures. Over time, you will see that your success to failure ratio improves.

When you make getting into the pit often a discipline then your discipline pays off and your voice, over time, becomes known as the voice of wisdom and experience.

Living out and putting these, habits will work at cleansing and strengthening your value systems. You will learn to become more and more authentic in your ways. You will learn to choose, form, and express your thoughts in such that people will easily connect, engage and be influenced by you. When your competencies enhance you will recognize that you think, speak and act from a place that is true and strong for you. You will speak and act in such a way that people will not just stand up and applaud for you but will people stand up and respond with a “Let’s march to the dreams and the sounds her voice!””

Decades ago, my elder sister, Didee was on the right track when she used to run me off in an ill-fitting suit and a necktie to our English-speaking neighbors saying they will be nice, they will accept me as I am and over time I will transform into a better version of myself.

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Touch Move and Self-Mastery

Many times in my life, I have had to sit across lawyers and have a conversation or two with them. The content of those conversations is at times of progress and at times of resolving tricky business and relationship issues. For decades, my lawyer to go to has been an old friend, Ranjeet Srinivasan, from my college days. In his younger days, he was chirpy, vibrant, and extremely intelligent. Not that he lacks any of those characteristics now but he has added on several whiskers of wisdom over the years.

On many occasions, I have seen him immerse into multiple, long-drawn, conversations with his clients while at the same browsing, marking, commenting, responding, and signing scores of documents that are placed in front of him. People bring him business scenarios, life stories bundled in tons of flak and noise while he sits there coolly hearing, absorbing, sifting, and sorting from facts from the fiction; gently, carefully, asking questions; making suggestions or requesting for time to think things through.

It is an awesome sight to witness. It is like watching a virtuoso working on multiple canvasses with scores of brushes held in tens of hands. It is a beautiful dance of conversations that convert chaos into works of art.

What does it take to be like that?

It takes living out the rule of ‘Touch Move’ from the game of chess before speaking, before taking action. It takes mastering the shenanigans of our own minds by our own mind. It takes accepting the millions of moments, opportunities, and annoyances as they present themselves without being controlled by the pain or pleasures those moments might bring towards us. It takes recognizing that we live in a beautiful world but it can become crazy and complex. It takes courage, compassion, and creativity to work in sync with nature and treating all other living beings fairly and justly.

Touch Move and Self-MAstery by Raju Mandhyan

The touch move rule is the most basic rule of chess. It means, when a player touches any one of his pieces, she must make a legal move. It means your word must be kept. It means you stay accountable for your actions and it means there is no turning back.

What does it do?

It prevents impulsiveness, regressions, and regrets. It influences players to think ahead logically, strategically, and creatively. It gives every player, every entity, and system a fair chance. It drives people into becoming sane, authentic, and influencers of a brand new and brave world.

German philosopher and chess player, Emanuel Lasker, could not have said it better with, “On the chessboard, lies, and hypocrisy do not survive long. The creative combination lays bare the presumption of a lie; the merciless fact, culminating in the checkmate, contradicts the hypocrite.”

There is no doubt that the pieces of our lives have to be influenced to win; to grow but the call remains for authenticity and ethics all the time. Therein lies self-mastery. Therein probably also lies the mastery of our domains.

I do not know if my friend, Ranjeet Srinivasan, plays chess but I do know he practices massive self-mastery all the time. There are five things that I believe he rigorously practices consciously and, maybe, unconsciously:

Self-awareness and Discipline: He knows his values and sorts facts from fiction created by his own mind with consistency.

Courage and Patience: He faces fear with clarity and is patient towards what might still be ambiguous to him on the road ahead.

Wisdom and Compassion: He knows what serves a value-driven vision and is forgiving towards whom he does not see eye to eye.

Fairness and Justice: He was schooled for the legal kind but age and experience have honed his moral compass to a higher degree.

Action and Initiative: He rarely sits on the fence of decision-making. After all the deep and broad thinking he takes action without fear and accepts all results without regrets or excessive excitement.

Life is no different from a game of chess. The playground for most everyone is this beautiful earth; this beautiful gift of life. We all start with a bunch of minimal resources from ground zero and then move up by inches or by yards. Some move forward with a twist, while others trudge along in straight lines. Many hesitate or haste or regress while others, those that touch move, take in the big picture and move their small pieces carefully, creatively, and confidently.

These last 20 months have been extremely tough for a large number of people across the world. We are all faced with a very persistent, tough, and ruthless opponent in COVID. Winning this war, at work or in life, will call us to think through every move multiple times before we touch the pieces. But move we must, and win we will, when we master ourselves first.

 

 

Photo by GR Stocks on Unsplash

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imagination, intelligence and integrity

Upon watching my video ‘Linking IDENTITY to INTENTION,” Rose, a friend, asked me a question. Raju, she said, after I have figured out who exactly I am; after I really and truly know IDENTITY and I have also cleared up what I want ion life: what my true INTENTIONS are, how do I traverse that journey? How do I exactly get from here to there?

Many years ago, I sat in the front row at a talk given by my friend Jim Cathcart author of the beautiful book, Acorns to Oaks. In the book, written more than two decades ago, Jim talks about how within every acorn there is a map encoded as to what size and shape of an oak tree it will grow into. I absolutely agree and believe that there is the inbuilt intention that evolves into reality through proper usage of our intelligence, imagination soaked in integrity.

However, before I get to those three enablers, here’s what Jim Cathcart was showing and telling us from the stage: He had planted himself onto a spot on the left side of the stage and said, “let us assume that this is the spot where you are at in your life. This is who you are now.” He then took five long strides towards the right side of the stage and planted himself on a spot and said, “let us assume that this where you want to be. This is who you want to be.” He walked back to spot one, turned in the direction of spot two, and said, “Every single day, every single moment start believing, behaving, saying, and doing things as if you were already on spot two. Think like the person you want to be, walk like the person you want to be, and talk like the person you want to be,” he urged us all. When you do this over a certain period, you will soon find yourself on spot two. You will become who you want to be.

I was blown away by his words. They stuck to me like superglue. I have never been able to peel the idea away. From that day on, I have walked from many a spot to another spot in my life. If my younger self from all those first spots were to see me now, he would never recognize himself.

This is not about the ‘fake it, till you make it,’ thing. This is something deeper and there is neuroscientific reasoning behind it. When you create an abstract, visual, distant dye to mold yourself into then millions of connections begin to spark off inside your head until you arrive at that ideal self in the future. This process works and it works beautifully. This is the core idea in the blog Linking IDENTITY to INTENTION.

Throughout the journey from here to there, you will need these three enablers: imagination, intelligence, and integrity.

Imagination is to make unseen connections between your thoughts, your strengths with what is visible but vague at times. Imagination to compare the processes, strategies and to learn from the experiences of others. The playground of life and work is constantly shifting. Streets get crowded and unseen hurdles come up. Stretching your mind a bit towards the unseen helps you see ahead of the curve when going from here to there.

Intelligence is to be able to place two and two together and make sure they end up as four. It is the correct and consistent assessment of actions and words we use. It is about keeping an open mind, learning, and not be dissuaded by slow days. It is about creating SMART goals and evaluating them frequently against the desired future and external influences.

Now many people who figure this out for themselves and begin to succeed with this strategy of linking IDENTITY to INTENTIONS sometimes forget to take care of others, of ethics and ecology. It is agreed that each individual is unique and the journey of each and every individual is unique yet it is a crowded, interrelated world. We, as individuals, do live in a vacuum; we are all interconnected by unseen strong and gentle strings. Pulling too hard or leaning too heavily on other systemic relations can create strain and cause harm. So think hard, maybe twice as much before taking decisions. Think far and wide, think of all interconnected relationships and play fair by universal values. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.

Rose, there is no other secret beyond this. This is as good as it gets. Many paradigms of success out there will drown and drain you. Keep it simple and follow this path patiently, persistently, and with a lot of faith in your own self. Persistence does not equate to hard-headedness, it equates to not how often you fall but how often you get up and get back. Yes, the discipline demands very resilient guts of steel and emotional sinew.

When you get to where you want to be, do remember to say thank you to my friend, Jim Cathcart.

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Love and Leadership

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A few years ago, at a convention of the Asian Professional Speakers Singapore, the usual topic of what makes a good speaker great came up. And, as usual, words like integrity, service-orientation, professionalism, value-creation, mastery of the craft, etc. were thrown into the discussion.

Love and Leadership

Then out of nowhere a small voice, like from under the table, says “to be able to deliver a really good keynote, one must love the audience.”

And, bang, every other word that was dumped onto the table gets withdrawn back and people go, “Yeah, that’s right. We ought to love the audience, the people we talk to!” “Yep,” adds another, “when we love them then we feel comfortable with them, they feel good in our presence and the creative energy goes aflame!” “We get into the zone, into the flow,” adds the original, small voice happily, still as if coming from under the table.

Over the years, and across the thousands of times I have spoken to an audience large and small, I bring the memory of that conversation with my friends at the APSS to the desktop of my mind every time someone hands me a microphone. “Love the audience, the people Raju,” I say to myself several times over. As many times, I look up, look at the audience make eye contact and connect with someone a smile crinkles my eyes and he or she smiles back. It feels good. It softens me. It eases my spirit, caresses my ego, and, in the bargain, allays all anxiety. As I take the steps up towards the lectern or the red circle, a desire to serve, to be open, to become vulnerable engulfs me. I feel light and happy and empowered all at the same time. The neuroscientists will claim I feel loved, thus a rush of the dope, oxytocin floods my brain cells that is why I feel light, happy and empowered.

When I feel that way with the microphone in my hand on stage, my words, my voice, my gestures, my eyes, my larger bodily movements spark of the same sensations through and across everyone who can hear, see and sense me. The neuroscientists will claim that those are mirror neurons reflecting and mimicking the activities in my neural networks.

I do not care what the neuroscientists say but I am feeling good. I feel, light, happy and powerful. My people, who I love, feel light, happy, and empowered. It becomes a dance. It stays a dance of learning, co-creating, and growing.

This is not true just for people who grab a microphone, step up on stage and make the audience sway to their words. This is true for any individual who wants to serve, lead, and change the world. To connect, engage and influence our worlds we ought to truly care for our worlds, our people. The deepest of our intentions then works for the benefits and betterment of others. Call it to care, call it empathy or call it compassion, it really is love in its agape form.

Most all the time the people we want to connect, engage and influence is usually looking and sensing behind and beyond our appearances, our communication, and our behaviors. They are, usually, looking behind and beyond our skills, our abilities; they are looking at our intentions, our deepest desires towards them and their worlds. Once they hear, see and sense benevolence and good intentions then they not just simply sway with us but begin to march towards a brighter future.

You may have heard this from Mary Lou Angelou many times before and it makes for precision when it comes to public speaking and love. It makes for massive sense when it comes to leadership and love. Here it is, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Beyond your words and well-manicured behaviors, people will always see and sense what exactly is going on in the deepest parts of your heart for them. When they are convinced that what is cooking in the heart-pot of yours they will lick their lips, raise their faces up into the air, and love you back for loving them truly and loving them right.

So on this day of love and love-giving, take a moment to reflect upon what are you trying to change around you and among your networks. Are you changing it out of the true and deep love for the recipients of that change?

Reflect deeply and truly and if the answer from within you is a resounding yes then go, grab that microphone, step up on that lectern, look the ZOOM camera in the eye and state your case. When your case is loaded with love, you shall shine, you shall lead and you shall change your world.

On February 24, inspired by my book-the HeART of Public Speaking, I am running an open to the public webinar on how to connect, engage and influence your world on virtual platforms like ZOOM. Send me a message and I will send you a free invitation.

Live well, love much, and laugh often even if your voice sounds as if it is always emerging from under a table.

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Do a Good, Clean Job the First Time Around

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Growing up in India in the 70s, I used to run many errands for mom. One of them was to run to a neighborhood vegetable vendor for our daily needs of chilies, mint, garlic, etc. Those were the days of no refrigerator at home and we bought fresh, ate fresh, and were, of course, total vegetarians.

This specific vegetable vendor used to display his wares from a concrete platform the size of a double bed, with no walls but with just a thatched roof for cover. There were times that I used to reach him way before he would be ready to sell from his shop with no walls. He would make me wait.

Wait I did, while he would very ceremoniously sweep, clean, wash and mop his whole shop. Wait I did, while he swept and watered the whole area surrounding his platform. He would then open his new stock delivered in freshly washed gunnysacks. Slowly, item by item, he would dunk them in water and set them up in tiny heaps for a single purchase. All the time washing, cleaning, and rinsing everything around him and his hands every so often. Wait I did, while he tied back the knots on the gunny sacks of stock and then light up some incense sticks and bless his abode and business. He would then stick the incense sticks into a potato and place it in a strategic location of his empire. Tucking his loose, white trouser bottoms under his legs, he would then, proudly, plop himself down in a lotus posture in front of his fine and fresh display. He’d put his hands together and announce that he was now open. He’d say, Namaskaram!

All this while, parts of me would wonder why doesn’t he just hand me the darn things I needed before the whole rigmarole. At the same time, parts of me would be spellbound by his rituals, his ceremonies, his discipline, and his dance of being clean, tidy and organized. Mom would insist that I buy all our needs from him rather than all the other vendors in his neck of woods. I did not understand her insistence then but years later, I did. He was not the biggest vendor, he was not the cheapest vendor on that street but his goods were always fresh, just rightly priced but his self-discipline was endearing and because of that, he, his goods and service could be trusted.

That was a long time ago. Now that people have moved on to buying fresh, buying from smaller vendors, buying closer to the source that is clean, tidy, and trusted I am wondering how popular and successful this vendor from my childhood would have been? He would not have needed all the noise, the buzz, and the big neon lights that many need. He would not have social media buzz to plug their products and services as we all do. He would have been a natural draw. His following would have been huge and totally organic.

My friend from Singapore, Philip Merry says, “Your number one (often overlooked) marketing tool-Do a good job the first time around.” That was true back in the good old days; it is true now and will be true forever into the future. When we do a good, clean, tidy, organized, value-creating job the first time around, the world does light up our brand, in neon lights, across the stratosphere.

I remembered this story and the lesson it brings forth when Patricia Aliphon spoke about how she keeps her presence on social media tidy and clean. “KonMari,” she called it. To me it sounded like Namaskaram!

It strikes me that no matter what we do and what we put out into the world, it must be clean, it must be tidy in presentation, and it must do a good job the first time and every time.

Many businesses took a beating last year. Matter of fact, all of us did. Most all of us are scrambling back onto a world that acquiesced new rules of play and the words tidy, clean, and good have become crucial parts of all conversations and conversions. We are doing the same with our offering to our market. We are not just concerned with being cheaper, better, and faster but we are disciplining ourselves towards being tidy, clean, fresh, and creating real value in real-time. And, I am betting almost all of you are on a similar journey. The little improvements we make towards our service and offering do, authentically, enhance our presence and influence on our worlds. From that tiny vegetable vendor in India to all of you across the world, Namaskaram!

P.S.

On February 18, we are running a free webinar on Authentic Influence™ for Entrepreneurs. We will be happy to have you all over to talk about how we are all bouncing back and bouncing back higher.

Here is the link: https://www.innersuninc.com/product/authentic-influence-for-entrepreneurs/

 

Or, you might want to download a FREE book on Five InSights into Success, here you go:

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Gumption, Resilience and Innovation for Tough Times

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Back in April 2020, at one of my open to public webinars on Emotional Intelligence, I had more than 2000 attendees and a large number of them were public school teachers. I was happily surprised. You see we had not positioned the webinar towards the teaching community. We had wanted to fill our Zoom room with business executives and business owners. We wanted them to weather the crisis and the oncoming challenges with calm and equanimity. My assumption is that the teaching community turned up in numbers because they wanted to learn the subject since changing times would demand a lot more from them than they had been used to giving in the past.

My suspicions about that are further validated because for the last several months, from across my home, I hear a female teacher conduct online classes. I hear her speak, explain, cajole, and applaud children. She goes on full throttle for hours and hours for several days in a week talking about math, the sciences, and values. It is just amazing and mind-blowing to see her expel so much passion and energy. Hats off to her and hats off to the nobility of her passion and profession.

In Delhi, a former diplomat and his singer wife, Virendra and Veen Gupta, took to the streets and beg

an to conduct free classes for underprivileged children who have little access to electronic devices and the internet. Paper and pencils in hands scores of children walk miles to come sit and learn under a tree in India.

The COVD-19 growth curve has not flattened across the world but it has flattened. Humanity has gathered gumption, garnered the ability to be resilient, and innovate thousands of products and practices in the last six months. Online learning platforms, organic classroom and office-dividers, re-usable and biodegradable masks, and partitions have come up from across the world.  Retailers and malls have turned their stores inside out. A huge amount of business and work gets conducted in open spaces, on streets, under tents and trees.

Our spirits are indomitable. We will go on to, of course, win this war with gumption, resilience, and abilities to come up with new ideas to surge ahead. On November 21, I will be running another free webinar on how to act courageously, with tenacity, and with a focus on innovation and growth in these changing times. Hoping that though they are not business-focused, the teachers who inspire the world will join us for GRI.T². That is gumption, resilience, and innovation for tough times. In the webinar, we will skim over the philosophies but dive deep into the possibilities and practices of changing the world one innovative action at a time.

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Forgiveness and Leadership

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I hear it is a good thing. I understand the world expects it of me. I also trust it heals and sets me free. Yet, I have been holding off talking about this for a decade now. I was under the impression that forgiveness was the stuff that preachers and pastors talk of. Yet, every time I helped nudge a leader back into form, back into productivity, the work that, mostly, needed to be done was for them to let go of something that was weighing them down so that they could go on to something that would heave them up. They needed to let go. They needed to forgive.

Then I must also confess that every time I, personally, wanted to reach upwards I had to let go of something that was holding me down and grounding me downwards. That something was usually a disappointment, a trauma, a grudge, a failure or even just an unqualified, irrational, hallucinated fear. And, all of these causes and ‘uncauses’ had to be managed and let go of before any and every leader could climb upwards. And, by the way, everyone has leadership potential in them and thus everyone is a leader or a leader in the making. Yes, you too.

I bear grudge to a former boss who thought that I was way too green behind my ears and treated me likewise. I bear a grudge against a business partner who sabotaged contracts because of our differences in ethnicity and backgrounds. I resent customers who take their business to others because they are blood-related and not because they serve and deliver better.

From an authentic leadership perspective, all these reasons are shallow. They are ‘uncauses’ to be holding grudges, resentment and even anger towards others. An executive within an organization and a leader in social and business circles grows, blooms and inspires others when she can overcome malice, move on to a better place and better productivity for all.

How?

Not just conceptually but in practice, in reality. Literally.

How?

First, on a piece of paper briefly describe a grudge you hold against another. Practice precision and brevity in the description. Yes, okay to be emphatically expressive but be succinct about it. Let the written paper rest. Walk away from it for a while, maybe for days. There is a good chance that when you get back to it, you will have or will begin to separate fact from mental fiction. You will become objective about the incident, the behavior and the people involved.

You see there is a fine line that divides the objective truth and the conjured up, victim perspective, truth in our minds. It is similar to the fact that rational thinking nodes and the romanticizing nodes in our brains are not very far apart. Giving our thoughts and emotions a little space and time allows them to segregate.

Second, when you recognize the difference between self-generated illusions of hurt and deliberate damage done by another then make a cognitive effort to place yourself into the shoes of that another. Think of answers to questions like:

Forgiveness and Leadership

Forgiveness and Leadership

  • What background do they hail from?
  • What kind of experiences and exposures have they lived through?
  • What are they trying to shield, protect or prevent from happening?
  • What might be their real agenda behind their behaviors and their machinations?
  • What might they be afraid of?
  • From their point of view, what might you represent for them?
  • What might you, consciously or unconsciously, have done to annoy, hurt or scare them?

Third, visualize what your issue might look, sound and feel like to an absolutely open-minded and neutral witness to your relationship. The way to go about it is to think of critical incident or an issue occurring between two of your friends and what might the opinion of a teacher, a coach or an elder be about that incident.

  • What would a teacher, coach or an elder have to say about the grudge you hold against another.
  • What would she say or do?
  • How can you emulate the words and actions of a person you consider kind, compassionate, and a clear thinker?

 

As you will yourself and as you stretch your mental and emotional muscles to go through these three steps the person and his actions that caused you ire become less and less important to you.  The clarity and heightened resolution of that anger begin to fade away. Eventually, the target of your ire begins to fade and begins to reform, rebirth in your mind as another individual, another ordinary, simple human being just like you.  You might also want to share your thoughts with a friend. You might try rehearse a conversation and a dialogue with the one you want to forgive. You need not take this up in reality. You are only taking this up to cleanse your neurological system of toxicity. Just the process lived out vicariously helps a lot.

It is a slow, steady process. It requires persistence, faith in your abilities to succeed, and a certain mental discipline. It cannot be achieved in a day. It can be achieved the same way you acquire and build a new habit, or a new muscle.  The more such forgiveness muscles you build the stronger a human being and a leader you become. Just like a good fitness regime that needs to be supported by a good diet the ability to forgive requires that you choose your thoughts, words and actions again and again. When you find yourself sinking into anger, resentful and depressive thoughts about a person or incident go for a walk, a run or a trek. Mind the choice of your words and conversations with others. The more recklessly you talk ill of others or of negative incidents the more they flourish and solidify in your own mind. We are all auto-telic. We have malleable brains and we shape them by will, thought and behavior. We become what we constantly think about. Think about being angry and upset over a past grudge and you become a depressed and angry person all across.

  • Leadership is about being aware, being agile, and grasping moments that will innovate, change things.
  • Leadership is about journeying over a distance, over to a better place-a vision of a brighter future.
  • Leadership is about including others, millions of others, and enrolling them to move forward by moving yourself.

All this can be achieved with grace and with gumption. Grace to accept and gumption to let go. A leader, all leaders need to stay light and unburdened and they need to move on ahead with deliberation and purpose.

At the end of it all. At the end of all your striving and struggling if you are unable to let go of nasty, toxic memories; if you are unable to forgive others then forgive yourself for not being able to forgive others.

Alternatively, better still, start the whole forgiving process by forgiving yourself first. Yes!

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What to believe in times like these

It is true that our beliefs drive our behaviors and our behaviors drive our growth and progress in life and in our businesses.

It is hitting month EIGHT since COVID-19 turned the earth inside out. There is very little to tell you about why and how it happened or, even, what the consequences of this massive, tsunami of a disruption are because are experiencing them.

The question is what should we do get ahead of this. What should we do to progress? How do we behave and what should we believe in?

At Inner Sun, we have a belief about beliefs. We believe that beliefs are put together by three dynamisms.

The first is the dynamism that is innate, congenital, and embedded. In an individual, it is sometimes referred to as nature or personality; in a business organization, it may be referred to as “work culture”.

The second dynamism is the one that exists outside of this system and is of many forms; the way that it is often referred as the environment, the economy, or the ecology.

The third, the most vibrant, with a high potential to influence the inner and the outer dynamisms, is the dynamics of the process between the internal and external systems.  It is the process of combustion between what is and what is possible. This is where innovation and change is carved out. This is where a new life and a new world is born. The drivers of this intermediate dynamism are the first is the dynamism that is innate, congenital, and embedded. In an individual, it is sometimes referred to as nature or personality; in a business organization, it may be referred to as “work culture”.

In these blazingly vibrant and challenging times, individual and organizations need to huddle up and closely watch what is happening with our own awareness, intelligences, emotions, memories that we are accumulating, and the actions we are taking.

Organizations and individuals, in recent times, that have trusted these two beliefs have a robust potential not just to survive but also to thrive in the coming days:

Believe that there are better days ahead. Yes, those that recognize that this is one of the seasons of change in a larger sense and that spring is just ahead staying optimistic and enthused about what they do. “The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it to his enemy,’ said Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Believe that we are all in this together. However, in a commercial sense, competition is good but in these challenging times, it is collaboration and compassion that are key to progress. “None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful,” claimed Mother Teresa.

The higher the intensity and the quality control of these elements the better the results and the outcomes for tomorrow.

Think about this deep and hard. These things will boost your beliefs onto a better place and thus influence your behaviors towards progress and growth in these challenging times.

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How to Receive Love Letters from Customers

 

No matter how much digging and deep diving we do, we end up recognizing that leaders excel when they align thought, words and action. Across the world and overtime, wars have been waged because leaders and nation said one thing and then did another. Organizations stumble and collapse because those in power think of one thing, say another and, eventually, end up doing something that was miles apart from the original thought.

When you, your organization think, say and do things in alignment with each other then people, your customers and the world begins to appreciate you and follow you. Being authentic automatically influences you world.

Recently Wegmans Food Markets, a New York based supermarket chain was chosen as one of the top 10 companies to work for by HRD, USA because for nearly 100 years now the company has been living up to its word. The word being Every Day You Get Our Best. They have a 94% approval rating and dedicated followers who promote the organic-style approach to healthier living. – so much so that they beg to Wegmans to open a franchise in their neighborhood.

The core reason for this love from their customers is that Wegmans Food Markets think of providing quality products and services to their customers. They publish and promote their desires and their plans plainly and then they follow through with the right execution over time. No punches pulled and no hidden agendas. It is a tough and noble thing to do. Yet, when as a leader, you commit and strive to think, say and do things in alignment with each other then the world around takes notice, pays you the respect you deserve, and follows you to the end of the world and to the end of time.

So every single day show up like the sun, roll up your sleeves and cultivate your world such that you leave it shining and green.

 

 

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