Receiving with Grace

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On a Christmas morning, a few years ago, my kids and I were sitting surrounded by tons of gift wrappers and ribbons from the gifts we had shared. They were happily chatting away and enjoying the warmth of the moment. I was sizing up the trash and thinking of all the time, money and energy people spend on gifts.

My displeasure was visible on my face and they saw it. “What’s it, Pops?” asked my youngest, twenty-something daughter.

“Ah-uhm, it is all this gift-giving and gift-receiving. I think we spend a lot of time, money and energy on these things,” I replied tersely.

“But, its Christmas Pops, and this is our tradition, our custom and our way of sharing, caring and expressing love Tatay,” added my eldest son, earnestly.

“My closets are full of shirts, shoes, socks and stuff that I do not need. I think this whole thing is a big sham and I am tired of it,” I snapped back.

I said this on a Christmas morning! In the Philippines! This was the ultimate sacrilege!

Their jaws dropped, their smiles disappeared and tears began to well up in their eyes. Humbled and hurt, they walked away and left me in my dark corner. For the rest of that week they were all moving about quietly, like zombies, like depressed zombies if there is such a thing as depressed zombies. I spent the rest of the week in the same dark corner gathering dust and cobwebs.

 

In my mind, there were scores of philosophical and anthropological questions like:

Who, in heaven’s name had invented the stupid idea of giving and receiving gifts, and why?

What kind of a stupid cave dweller had killed a pig, stuffed it in a can, and called it Christmas Ham?

Which ‘Kayumangi’ placed a red ribbon on a rotten fish and exchanged it with a neighbor for a smelly turkey? And, where exactly did he get a red ribbon from?

These were very important questions but the real questions I was avoiding were;

“What kind of a nincompoop, idiot father was I?

What was WRONG with me?

What had I done?”

For the next many days, the kids stayed ‘zombified.’ I felt like I were a pig, a rotten fish, and a smelly turkey. I felt like an Ebenezer Scrooge turned inside out. The week passed, and the year came to a slow, gruesome end but no answers, nothing. Zilch!

All night on New Year’s Eve, the ghosts of Christmas haunted me, and at dawn, as I lay in bed, thankfully, the answers came to me. It was not the size, the shape, the quality of the shirts, shoes, socks that my kids were dumping upon me. It was not the fact that my closets were falling apart from stuff I would never ever use.

 

It was the fact that my kids had all grown up, they had begun to have their own lives, their own monies, and their own choices. They were not as needy and dependent on me as they were when they were really kids.  I was becoming less and less important to them. That is what was eating me up on the inside. That was the ugly, unfounded fear that gnawing away at my happiness. Many times in life, we unconsciously practice deceiving our own thoughts, feelings, and self.

The realization made me very sad. I wanted to cry but my pride would not allow tears to roll down my face. You see, I consider myself a self-made man. I have never leaned on anyone in my life. I have never wanted support. I am a supporter, a builder and I like people to depend on me, and not the other way around. I did not cry but I swore to myself that I would change. I will learn to accept anything and everything that comes my way with grace, especially from my kids because they were all extensions of myself.

In the months and years to follow, I kept my promise and I changed. I continued to receive shoes, socks, and tee-shirts but I also began to receive cell phones, cameras, and even cars. Two years ago, my middle son bought me a huge farm and placed a beautiful house on it for me. I received everything with grace and joy.

Today, years later, I know that receiving with grace is a beautiful gift in itself. When we receive well, we make the giver feel good. They turn into bigger and better human beings, and that becomes our gift to them.

Last week my daughter drove 100 miles back and forth from the city to drop off something. I hoped it was not shirts, shoes or socks. No, she said, it was something for the farm. Here is what she brought a mini-spade, a mini-shovel, and a mini-rake for a one-hectare farm! Disregarding the size and the usefulness of these things I received them all with grace and made my daughter feel good.

Now, I do not have any advice for you Filipinos. Caring, sharing and giving is your life and your culture. Expressing love is embedded into your bone marrows, into your DNA. All I request is that you come across a senior Shrek like me from a different culture then please be kind and patient with us. Allow us to learn how to receive with grace and that will be your gift to us.

Mabuhay and an advance, Merry Christmas to you all!

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How Not To Regret Past Choices  

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Man is stuck in a steel-walled room where the walls are closing in on him swiftly. In a matter of minutes, he is bound to be crushed to death. There is no escape. There is no way out and nobody will come for him. He has pushed, pulled, kicked, banged the walls, and shouted out his lungs. Nothing happened. Death is inevitable!

Then suddenly three doors, simultaneously, begin to slide open in front of him. Through the first one he gets a peep at ferocious beasts scrambling to get at him. Through the second one he gets to peep at snakes, scorpions, and other fanged reptiles trying to creep into the room. And, through the third one he notices piles of yucky garbage pouring in from all sides. Meanwhile, the steel walls are still inching in towards him dangerously.

He does his math and leaps into the door that has loads and loads of yucky garbage pouring in from all sides. He is free. He outwitted sure death and oblivion. Thrilled at his choice and his decision-making abilities he, happily, begins to wade through the garbage hoping to find light and freedom.

Hours and, maybe, days go by and the man is still battling his way through the smells, the filth, and the sickness. Soon his spirits begin to drop and he begins to start cursing his luck, his circumstances and spirals down into regret and unhappiness.

Given the resources, at a certain slice in time, we make the best possible choices we can. At the first instant we thrill at the choices we may have made and then atrophy sets in. We begin to regret choices and circumstances totally forgetting the context and the chance moment that influenced the choices we made.

People do this at work, in life when it comes to making decisions about our health, wealth, and relationships. We hang on to the content and, slowly but steadily, let the context dissipate and fade away into the ether. Sometimes, we even blame and are bitter about the person that may have been a guardian or a guide to the doorway that opened up to that garbage street.

And, I am not not guilty of this habit myself. Oftentimes, I find myself lost in reverie thinking about why I chose what I chose to say, do or be. An example is that moving from high school into college, I chose to study engineering even though my heart was in the arts and letters. Studying to be an engineer assured me of a job given that my family needed support. Taking up the arts only assured pleasure and joy. Today, decades later, I am in a way involved in the arts that is because my needs to survive and be safe are not as demanding as they were back in the day.

Thankfully, over the years I have learned how to quickly snap out of that reverie and get realistic not just about the past, but also about the present and the future. This does not mean crossing out using my failures as feedback. Well, as we all say it now, not ‘feedback’ but it is ‘feed forward’ for me.

How exactly do I do it?

Well, our mind is a little crazy, and a little biased when it comes to recalling life incidents. It justifies our actions and our choices in the way it prefers to and then influences us to repeat and rerun its edited version of reality such that over time we forget and forego of the edits and get completely indulged in self-created fiction.

What I do is that I take a drive down memory lane and regurgitate several other facts of that moment or period of time when I took that life-impacting decision. So there were these three influences that tipped me over into becoming an engineer instead of an artist of some kind.

One, the family needed some financial support and quick. Dad had suffered a stroke and Mom had rheumatoid arthritis for years. I felt responsible and I took the route that would increase my chances of getting a job quickly and fetch me a better dollar than that earned by artists and poets at that time. Actually, the poets and the artists at time did not even get jobs flipping burgers because there were no burger stands in India of that time.

Two, my maternal uncle who had dropped out of an arts college, put up an engineering company serving the needs of cinema halls in a rapidly growing movie industry in India of the seventies and eighties. His business was doing really good and he had flashed some of the cheques that he would pick up from his contractual work.  Being of a very impressionable age, the amounts scrawled on those cheques would make my jaws plunge.

Three, I had scored really good at high school and the numbers on my report card were more befitting towards working towards being an engineer than towards being a dream-ridden artist. I gave in to peer pressure. Well, I did say, I was of an impressionable age then.

There! Uploading of such relevant and objective facts about a period in our lives when we make life-impacting decisions helps us get a perspective, become objective and learn to accept and be accountable for the choices in life we make.

The same strategy of looking back at many other, big and small, life choices helps to accept the current consequences with dignity and grace. This is being accountable to yourself about your own life. It is about not letting context wash away and clinging on to just the cold content of things.

Yes, it works and it helps improve my lot a lot. I would like you to think about this. From within this framework look at your lives: your marriage, your career, your business, and all other decisions you make in life. Remember these words that given the internal and external resources we have at a given moment; we make the best possible choices.

Living out this philosophy will never make things go back and straighten them out.  Turning this philosophy a regular practice will not reduce the ups and downs of life ahead but, for sure, it will dampen our habits of regretting past choices.

Take a look at that story of the man trapped in a room whose walls were closing in on him and he chose one out of the three doors that opened up to him. Think of all the times that you have been trapped in a situation where your abilities, resources, and abilities only offered you three possibilities and you chose the lesser evil. Yes, you chose it like you may have done hundreds and thousands of times before. Like you will forevermore.

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Forgiveness and Leadership

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I hear it is a good thing. I understand the world expects it of me. I also trust it heals and sets me free. Yet, I have been holding off talking about this for a decade now. I was under the impression that forgiveness was the stuff that preachers and pastors talk of. Yet, every time I helped nudge a leader back into form, back into productivity, the work that, mostly, needed to be done was for them to let go of something that was weighing them down so that they could go on to something that would heave them up. They needed to let go. They needed to forgive.

Then I must also confess that every time I, personally, wanted to reach upwards I had to let go of something that was holding me down and grounding me downwards. That something was usually a disappointment, a trauma, a grudge, a failure or even just an unqualified, irrational, hallucinated fear. And, all of these causes and ‘uncauses’ had to be managed and let go of before any and every leader could climb upwards. And, by the way, everyone has leadership potential in them and thus everyone is a leader or a leader in the making. Yes, you too.

I bear grudge to a former boss who thought that I was way too green behind my ears and treated me likewise. I bear a grudge against a business partner who sabotaged contracts because of our differences in ethnicity and backgrounds. I resent customers who take their business to others because they are blood-related and not because they serve and deliver better.

From an authentic leadership perspective, all these reasons are shallow. They are ‘uncauses’ to be holding grudges, resentment and even anger towards others. An executive within an organization and a leader in social and business circles grows, blooms and inspires others when she can overcome malice, move on to a better place and better productivity for all.

How?

Not just conceptually but in practice, in reality. Literally.

How?

First, on a piece of paper briefly describe a grudge you hold against another. Practice precision and brevity in the description. Yes, okay to be emphatically expressive but be succinct about it. Let the written paper rest. Walk away from it for a while, maybe for days. There is a good chance that when you get back to it, you will have or will begin to separate fact from mental fiction. You will become objective about the incident, the behavior and the people involved.

You see there is a fine line that divides the objective truth and the conjured up, victim perspective, truth in our minds. It is similar to the fact that rational thinking nodes and the romanticizing nodes in our brains are not very far apart. Giving our thoughts and emotions a little space and time allows them to segregate.

Second, when you recognize the difference between self-generated illusions of hurt and deliberate damage done by another then make a cognitive effort to place yourself into the shoes of that another. Think of answers to questions like:

Forgiveness and Leadership

Forgiveness and Leadership

  • What background do they hail from?
  • What kind of experiences and exposures have they lived through?
  • What are they trying to shield, protect or prevent from happening?
  • What might be their real agenda behind their behaviors and their machinations?
  • What might they be afraid of?
  • From their point of view, what might you represent for them?
  • What might you, consciously or unconsciously, have done to annoy, hurt or scare them?

Third, visualize what your issue might look, sound and feel like to an absolutely open-minded and neutral witness to your relationship. The way to go about it is to think of critical incident or an issue occurring between two of your friends and what might the opinion of a teacher, a coach or an elder be about that incident.

  • What would a teacher, coach or an elder have to say about the grudge you hold against another.
  • What would she say or do?
  • How can you emulate the words and actions of a person you consider kind, compassionate, and a clear thinker?

 

As you will yourself and as you stretch your mental and emotional muscles to go through these three steps the person and his actions that caused you ire become less and less important to you.  The clarity and heightened resolution of that anger begin to fade away. Eventually, the target of your ire begins to fade and begins to reform, rebirth in your mind as another individual, another ordinary, simple human being just like you.  You might also want to share your thoughts with a friend. You might try rehearse a conversation and a dialogue with the one you want to forgive. You need not take this up in reality. You are only taking this up to cleanse your neurological system of toxicity. Just the process lived out vicariously helps a lot.

It is a slow, steady process. It requires persistence, faith in your abilities to succeed, and a certain mental discipline. It cannot be achieved in a day. It can be achieved the same way you acquire and build a new habit, or a new muscle.  The more such forgiveness muscles you build the stronger a human being and a leader you become. Just like a good fitness regime that needs to be supported by a good diet the ability to forgive requires that you choose your thoughts, words and actions again and again. When you find yourself sinking into anger, resentful and depressive thoughts about a person or incident go for a walk, a run or a trek. Mind the choice of your words and conversations with others. The more recklessly you talk ill of others or of negative incidents the more they flourish and solidify in your own mind. We are all auto-telic. We have malleable brains and we shape them by will, thought and behavior. We become what we constantly think about. Think about being angry and upset over a past grudge and you become a depressed and angry person all across.

  • Leadership is about being aware, being agile, and grasping moments that will innovate, change things.
  • Leadership is about journeying over a distance, over to a better place-a vision of a brighter future.
  • Leadership is about including others, millions of others, and enrolling them to move forward by moving yourself.

All this can be achieved with grace and with gumption. Grace to accept and gumption to let go. A leader, all leaders need to stay light and unburdened and they need to move on ahead with deliberation and purpose.

At the end of it all. At the end of all your striving and struggling if you are unable to let go of nasty, toxic memories; if you are unable to forgive others then forgive yourself for not being able to forgive others.

Alternatively, better still, start the whole forgiving process by forgiving yourself first. Yes!

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Dumb to Dumbstruck to Dumber

My apologies if highlighting this thing annoys you. It might if you are the perpetrator these things. By these things, I mean the excessive use of plastic products.

Way before COVID 19 had hit us, our forests and oceans had already been hurt by the plastic waste that abused their beauty and their purity. That was dumb.

For a few crazy weeks during the global lockdown, nature had begun to bloom again. The air had cleaned up, the oceans had become pristine and the flora and fauna had begun to bloom. That was because we were dumbstruck by this change.

Then as our fears reduced and the desires to become productive again, rose we made some moves that surely were dumber. Our consumption of plastic and synthetic products just shot through the roof: masks, shields, curtains, acrylic dividers, and on the streets of Metro Manila motorcycle riders’ doinked up a large sheet of acrylic between the driver and passenger. That was actually the dumbest thing to do.

Check what UNCTAD has to say about this:

It is a societal flaw that when faced with a crisis we respond with short-term solutions than long-term. If we just pause to reflect twice rather than just once, we can and will come up with better solutions to all kinds of problems. No point in, habitually, going from dumb to dumbstruck to dumber.

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A Turning Point Interview

Please briefly intro yourself in terms of who you are, what you do and the companies you own now.

People spend a lifetime trying to “know thyself.” I just know that I provide services like keynote speaking, management training, development facilitation and cross-cultural executive coaching.

Please share with us your childhood, where you were born, where you grew up and your formative years.

I was born in Mumbai, raised in a city called Pune. I grew up surrounded by Hindu, Muslim and Christian communities but I went to Parsi (also known as Zorastrian) school. I grew up with a motto: Think Good, Speak Good and Do Good.

What kind of student were you in primary and high school and university?

I was a top ranker all the way up until I graduated from high school. In the university my academic skills took a downturn. Though I studied engineering and economics I stayed interested in the arts and humanities.

What were your first few years upon your graduation and entering the job market?

I changed professions often. I was good at most any tasks but found fulfillment in dealing and negotiating with people. Thus, the five books on communication skills in the last 15 years.

Coaching is the Air I Breathe

 

Which did you discover your passion for speaking? When did you start to realize that you can make a living from your passion speaking and improving lives?

I did not discover my skill in communicating. I was discovered by the British Council of the Philippines. I was asked to come, train and speak for them even though I had no qualifications or experience in it. I loved it. It paid well and I, naturally, got addicted. So here I am almost 19 years later.

 

How challenging was for to start your business? Can you share some of your early mistakes and failures and the lessons you have learnt from those failures?

This second phase of my life at the age of 40; this turnaround from being an international businessman to a speaker, trainer and a coach was very challenging. I realized having talent and potential and passion is not enough. You need to put in the 10,000 hours to gain mastery….I have put in 50,000 hours and more.

 

What are your top three strengths and top three weaknesses?

My strengths are my weaknesses too….I am sensitive therefore I feel things quickly and I care for other also very quickly. I am a big-picture, spatial thinker and that’s a strength but then I shrink away from detailed, routine administrative work.  I am always looking for new experiences thus I am adventurous and innovative. That also makes me restless towards mediocre stuff and attitude.

What are some (around three) turning points in your life?

At age 15, I was beaten up badly by a bunch of hooligans and that, at first, made me afraid but then years later it made me a sort of daredevil. Now at 62, I still will do rappelling, mountain climbing, scuba-diving and participate in thrill rides. I will walk into any kind of a crowd and audience and be not afraid.

Who are the three to five people you want to thank for your success today?

  • My Mom for saving pennies to put me through school and college and then instilling me in strong values and ethics. She said I must always do the right and the good thing no matter what and be compassionate towards the weak and meek.
  • My mentor and idol, the late Wayne Dyer, who brought to light the power of intention and inter-connectedness in this world.
  • My three children inspired me to be cool, laid back and make sure that happiness is not a “be” thing but a “do” thing. That means you have to work your mind to be happy. It is mental action.

What’s your purpose in life?

To help people unleash the power hidden within them the way others helped me.

What’re some do your future plans for both your business and your life?

I would like to convert all my books and training programs into online, easily accessible learning programs. My business and my life is the same.

Five things young people must know and apply in order to do well in life?

  • Get crystal clear about what exactly they like and want. The key word is “What do you WANT?”
  • Be not afraid. Just form a plan and work the plan day in day out towards your dream.
  • When faced with failure think of it as the first stone towards success because it teaches you what not to do with your next step.
  • Forgive others fastidiously and easily. Remember those that do you wrong, really know not what they do.
  • Accept the fact that we are mortal and make that fact become your daily reality. In the olden days Samurais were qualified to be Samurais when they showed no fear for death.

Is there anything you would have done differently knowing what you know now?

I would have started early but then I wouldn’t have been as good and matured as I am now. So the answer is I would have done all that I have done and be happy with it. I have NO regrets in life.

Thank you very much. Any message for our readers?

When you chase your goals relentlessly and ethically and with love in your heart for the world then you become a magnificent sight to behold and be inspired by.

Questions by Ken Loong, Australia

Asnwers by Raju Mandhyan, Philippines.

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Strive or Surrender in 2017?

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On my mind always has been the question “how much should we strive and how much should we surrender?” The world is filled with free-flowing advice on how to “never, never, never give up!” or how to “let the storm rage on and let it go, let it go!”

Yet the wisdom and ability to choose and then draw a line between the two extremes has never been an easy one. Faith, beliefs, values, culture, habits and personal desires always get in the way. In fact, the biggest struggle is not what to never give up or what to let go but the struggle to find that wisdom, courage and ability to make and act out our choice.

Strive or Surrender?

The simple rule of thumb that I follow is that I give my choice-making efforts maximum intellectual, emotional and social impact thought and then I act upon that choice. You might say, “Hey that really is no different from what everyone does, how is your strategy any different?”  My strategy is different because I put in the measure immediately after the first few action steps I take.  If the action steps stir up any toxicity, negativity, fear, doubt or guilt right after then I withdraw and take up plan B. I carry no shame in saying I was wrong. I carry no shame in giving credence to the opinion of others when it is better and will bring better, holistic results. I listen in and tune in to my emotions acutely and “let go of ego and authorship of the initial idea.” What I never, never, never give up on is the wisdom and ability of making another choice, as soon as possible, after the lack of success of any and all previous ones.

I believe in living out the moment to the best of my ability and that of staying in motion for the immediate future.

At the end of this 2016, I intend to exercise this personal competency of mine less for material, measurable goals and more for the not so easily measurable ones like kindness, compassion and big-picture achievements for and towards others.  My belief is that my world changes as I do. When I warm up, it warms up. When I soften towards it, it softens back at me and when I treat it with love then it pours back love onto me. The struggle between striving and surrendering ceases to take any credence.

 

Raju Mandhyan

Speaker, Coach & Learning Facilitator

www.mandhyan.com              A World of Clear, Creative & Conscientious Leaders! 

http://twitter.com/RajuMandhyan

http://www.youtube.com/user/RajuMandhyan

www.expatinsights.com                  External Views of Internal Successes!

 

 

 

Upcoming Events

 

“You Never Really Forget What You See!”

IAF Philippines

January 28th from  3:30PM to 7:00PM

Inspire Learning Hub, Alveoland Building,

28th Street corner Lane O, Fort Bonifacio, Taguig

 

Link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/you-never-really-forget-what-you-see-iaf-learning-session-no8-tickets-18817224826

 

Facebook Group:  http://www.facebook.com/groups/1456410221316887

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Designing a Talk

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Designing a Talk

Designing a Talk

No matter how much I know about the subject or how long I have been in the field…

Designing a talk, a facilitation or an intensive workshop is always much more Demanding than Delivering it.

You’ve got to know what your learners need,
You’ve got to know what they might want.
You’ve got to know what the managers/organizers want.
You’ve got to know almost everything about the subject.
You’ve got to know what the learners might know about the subject.
You’ve got to know what other consultants might have shared.
You’ve got to know a lot about parallel fields and subjects.

Then you’ve got to plan, sequence the flow of principles and practices in a novel way.

You’ve got to put in the heavy stuff. You’ve got to place in the applications and the relevancy.You need to consider inclusivity, interaction and the memorability of the program.

At the end of it you’ve got to Deliver a dish that is as filling as steak, light as a salad and yet be finger-licking fun to participate in.

And remember, thunder and lightning will strike you down if you make do as if you’ve worked hard for it and fish for compliments.

 

My upcoming public workshops:http://www.informa-mea.com/hrsummit

Advanced Selling Skills in Vietnam: http://www.hospitalmanagementasia.com/cacnhadienthuyet?page=5

Appreciative Leadership in Vietnam: http://www.vmi.edu.vn/news/pid/49/search/page/1/id/4544

InSpire Like a CEO: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Raju/inspire.html

Appreciative Leadership: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Raju/AL.html

Corporate Storytelling in Dubai:http://www.hrsummitexpo.com/

Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU

Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm

Choice Clips from the TV Show, ExPat InSights :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo

 

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A Story: The Wrong House

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Everyone loves a good story but I have a penchant for stories. I look out for them like an addict yearns for a shot in the arm. And, when I do get that shot, life for a while becomes livable, love-giving.

On a flight from Bangkok to Manila, I happened to land a seat next to an old friend, Louie, and we began to catch up on each other with stories. Some we’d heard but, nevertheless, they were still good ones and then he hit me with a whopper of a story.

More than a decade ago, at a workshop on Appreciative Inquiry,  Loiue was sitting next to a repatriate from Saudi Arabia called Elmer. Part of the workshop proceeding require that participants ask each other questions that’ll bring up good memories, memories of success and memories of having had a change of heart.

“Can you share me a story or two about having lived and worked in Saudi Arabia?” asks Louie of Elmer. Elmer In Prayer

“At first it was tough. I hated every aspect of the Saudi culture. I hated the authorities. I hated the fact that they had so much wealth and power over all those that came to seek a living in Saudi Arabia. Most of all, I hated the fact that there were no churches in the vicinity for a Catholic like me to drop by and pray. Nevertheless, I continued working and suffering, hoping that one day I’d save up enough money to go home and look after my adolescent daughter and wife in the Philippines. You see I loved them both to death, and believed that they both brought meaning and purpose to my life,” shared Elmer.

“And?” urged on Louie.

“Life wasn’t easy. The work was demanding and I really wasn’t saving up much, as a construction worker in Saudi Arabia. Three years went by and I began to grow homesick when one day my wife calls up and claimed our daughter, Precious, was seriously ill and had to be brought to the hospital. Panic-stricken and helpless, I stayed by the phone for the next few days. Three days into the hospital, I get a call claiming that Precious needed to undergo immediate surgery or we would lose her. My heart screamed out in pain and I had no idea what to do, where to go? I had, then, not enough money to send to my wife and I had no one to run to. I had no place to borrow from in Saudi Arabia,” cried Elmer.

“Where’d you go?” asked Louie.

“I was desperate. I called a few, Filipino co-workers but we were all in the same boat – helpless and money-less. It was before sunrise on a Friday in Saudi Arabia and I couldn’t even approach my bosses at work. My heart still screaming, I stepped out onto the streets of Riyadh hoping to beg, borrow or let a miracle happen. My Christian heart yearned for an altar to kneel before and send out my plea into the skies but then again, this was Saudi Arabia, and I couldn’t find a church. A few blocks away from my place of stay I reached a mosque from within which, I could hear prayers being recited. Sozzled with pain and anguish, I walked in and in a corner fell upon my knees and let my head drop in prayer. I wanted my daughter to live. I wanted her to be there when I went home.”

“Gosh,” muttered Louie and placed his arm across Elmer’s shoulders, “what happened?”

“I didn’t know but an Imam had walked up to me and was standing in front of me, demanding to know if I were a Muslim. No, I replied, I am not, “replied Elmer.

“Then, in that case, I am sorry, but you will have to step out and take your prayers and plea somewhere else,” announced the Imam.

His face wet with tears, Elmer stumbled up and with shoulders drooping, and he began to walk out with the Imam right on his tracks. He was angry at himself for having walked into a wrong house. When outside, the Imam stopped him and asked what exactly was his problem. Elmer’s heart burst and he poured out his pain, sobbingly, to the Imam. With hardly a shift in his attitude, the Imam had Elmer follow him to his bank’s automated teller and punched out the amount of money that Elmer thought would get his Precious out of danger. “Pay me back when and if you can. If not then consider it as a response to your plea,” smiled the Imam and walked away.

My friend Louie, too, wiped away the tears from his own face and asked, “So, did you ever get to see that Imam again.”

“No, I haven’t” claimed Elmer, “but there is not a single day in my life that I do not think of him. Every time I enter a church here in the Philippines, I see his stoic, bearded face in the crowds and my heart smiles. I must confess that I do not want to go back to Saudi Arabia at my age now but the amazing thing is that in me there is no dislike or contempt people of a different belief. This, this way, I feel happy and big inside of me.”

“I tell you, brother, no story has touched and changed me the way that Elmer’s story did,” said Louie to me, as our plane skidded on the runway in the Philippines. Louie’s miracle question to Elmer had changed him and continues transforming people who hear of it.

Me? I got my story shot-in-the-arm and still have my head in clouds since that day.

Raju Mandhyan

 

My upcoming public workshops:

InSpire Like a CEO: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Raju/inspire.html

Appreciative Leadership: http://www.genesistrainingevents.com/Raju/AL.html

 

My books also available on Amazon: http://goo.gl/OZSMj8

Posts on Facebook: https://goo.gl/MXQEqU

Talks on You Tube: https://goo.gl/dVclfm

Choice Clips from ExPat InSights :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjf3sHaZBSo

 

 

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The Future is a Blank Sheet

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The Future is a Blank Sheet

The Future is a Blank Sheet

You can change your lives!  Trust me, it is entirely possible to cast off the past and retell your story from this day forward.  All of nature and the universe is an act of creation; an act of storytelling.

The poet Nasadiya Sukta once said:

“Whence all creation had its origin,

he, whether he fashioned it or whether he did not,

he, who surveys it all from highest heaven,

he knows—or maybe even he does not know”

The present and future are unknowns, each a blank sheet of paper on which to become creative.  It is important to accept and embrace the possibility within the present.  We can lay the groundwork for the future, we can enjoy a moment, or we can learn something new that will improve our mind.  It is possible to set aside disempowering stories and move forward into new ones.

Part of my mission is to help people set their minds free to explore new paths and areas of power and potential.  We work with future leaders to develop a story of success and happiness.  There are no limits to the imagination, and if there are no limits to the imagination then there are no limits to your potential.  For every challenge, there are multiple paths to explore and conquer.  For every problem, there are multiple solutions.  People can create a mindset of creativity, energy, and exploration.

You have the power to change your stories, and in doing so you also have the power to change your lives. Yes!

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go light one

The other day while waiting for my daughter at a gas station in Makati, a woman approached me and offered ‘chicharon’ and ‘otaaps.’ I shook my head and smiled a “no.” “The ‘otaaps,” she said, “go well with coffee, Sir!” I smiled and shook my head again.

Pit Bulls & Entrepreneurs (2010)

The difference between Pit Bulls and Entrepreneurs is that, sometimes, Pit Bulls can give up.

And, as she walked away the simplicity in her approach and the clarity of her voice made me take a second glance. She seemed to be in her early 50s. She was holding a few packs of snacks in her hand while a bag hung at her side. She was dressed in black pants and a fuchsia-colored, long-sleeved top. Her hair was dark with strands of white and it was cut shoulder length. She was dark-skinned, looked thin and work-weary. All in all, I surmised, she could be mother who was probably a former, office-worker. Her English was crisp and not accentuated or diluted.”The otaaps go well with coffee, Sir!” She’d said in perfect English.

I was tempted to call her and buy some, but then I hate ‘chicharons’ with a passion and apologies to the Lapid Family of the Philippines. I like ‘otaaps’ but I’d just seen some videos of myself speaking, and my silhouette had a bulge around the middle. Otaaps are made of flour, sugar, margarine and more sugar. No way!

Then I wondered why is it that I wanted to buy when in the first place I’d turned her away? I realized that I’d just become curious as to why and how had a mother-looking, seemingly well-educated woman in her fifties had to peddle snacks so late in the evening. Then I thought I won’t buy but just call her back and have a chat with her. That too, did not seem like a good idea on a less-lightened corner of the gas station where I’d parked and was leaning against it waiting for my daughter. I let the moment pause and felt a breeze of sadness brush my face.

So, the whole incident is still alive in my mind a week later. The questions on my mind are: What kind of a world have we built? What kind of an economy do we live in? Why is that we haven’t evolved enough as a civilization where a woman in her fifties still has to struggle to survive? How many others are out there who haven’t been able to stay up in the ups and downs of life’s shenanigans?

The air of sadness still circles me. I know this doesn’t happen in the Philippines but may be happening in thousands of cities across the world. Perhaps someday the world will grow into such a place where lives don’t get wasted such. I am not claiming that she, the ‘otaap’ and ‘chicharon’ vendor, might be unhappy or dissatisfied with her life. I am just floating way up in the air and making an observation.Go Light One

A quote that rings through my mind as I type this is “When you see no light at the end of a dark tunnel, go light one.” I must confess that I barely do anything about the struggles of society and life besides making noise. I do know there are thousands and millions of individual and organization who do good and constructive things bit by bit and day by day. My hats off to all that you do such things and serve the world. Someday, I’ll join you or if you know of an opportunity or need a hand give me a buzz. The least I will do is hold the candle while you light it.

*Otaap: Fluffy, crunchy, sugar-coated cookie.

*Chicharon: Pork insides, dried and fried like chips.

 

Raju Mandhyan                                  

Keynote Speaker, Coach & Learning Facilitator

www.mandhyan.com, Communications & Leadership Training

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