The HeART of Living Intentionally

Living intentionally means making conscious and purposeful choices in your life, rather than simply going with the flow or letting circumstances dictate your path. There are several compelling reasons why people should strive to live intentionally:

Living intentionally does three things for you:

  1. Personal Fulfillment: Living intentionally allows individuals to pursue goals and values that bring them a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose.
  2. Clarity and Direction: It provides a clear sense of direction and priorities, making decision-making easier and life more meaningful.
  3. Reduced Regret: Intentional living minimizes the likelihood of regret, as individuals actively shape their lives and take ownership of their decisions.

Samantha from the Philippines always had a passion for the environment and a desire to make a positive impact. After years of working in a corporate job that didn’t align with her values, she decided to live more intentionally. She left her job and embarked on a journey to reduce her ecological footprint and promote sustainability.

Samantha moved to a rural area and started a small organic farm. She grew her own vegetables, raised chickens for eggs, and adopted a sustainable, eco-friendly lifestyle. She educated herself on permaculture and sustainable farming practices to minimize her environmental impact.

Over time, Samantha’s blog and channel grew in popularity, and she turned her passion into a successful business. She began offering online courses and workshops on sustainable living, and her impact expanded beyond her local community. She was not only living a life that resonated with her deeply held values but also making a meaningful contribution to the global sustainability movement. Today, on her farm she offers free yoga and mindfulness retreats.

Samantha’s story demonstrates how intentional living can lead to personal fulfillment, a strong sense of purpose, and a positive impact on both one’s life and the world around them. It showcases the power of aligning one’s actions with their core values and passions to create a life that is both meaningful and impactful.

Let me know if you would like to connect with Samantha and live out your life intentionally too.

the Voice of Leadership

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Do you ever wonder what makes any speaker-leader effective?

What makes her such that she stands taller and brighter than thousands of other speakers?

And, what makes her such that people do not just applaud her but stand up and shout, “Let’s march!” in response to her words?

When I was just but seven years old, my elder sister older to me by fifteen years, used to dress me up in a hand-me-down suit and necktie and send me off to pay a neighborly visit to our English-speaking’ family across our little house in Pune, India. The very large building across our house was full of Jewish families who had made India their home before the war. She used to tell me to play, spend time with Simon and Moshe, two boys who were just about my age then.

people stand up and respond with a “Let’s march to the sounds and dreams in her voice!”

 

“But Didee, I am scared! They are big. They look and speak so differently,” I would plead.

‘That is okay. They are kind people. They will not bite you!

But DIdee, I don’t speak good English. I am shy!

That’s okay, they will understand your not-so-good English. They might even like it.

But Didee, I went there just last Sunday. Why again?

Well, if you go often, you will pick up their ways faster,” she smiled.

So there I was every now and then popping in the lives of the Cohens across our house. Their home was way bigger than our home. It had a bedroom or two attached to the living room and kitchen. They’d let me in and I’d shyly walk in and plop myself at their dining table feeling lost in an alien land. Mrs. Cohen was kind. Simon, the elder kid was polite but Moshe, the five-year-old was a bit wild. Every now and then he’d walk up close and ‘boo’ me in my face.

After several such no-conversation visits, one day I think I asked for a glass of water. Or, maybe I said thank you very much. I do not remember what I said but Moshe screamed, “He speaks, he speaks, Raju speaks!” Then Simon and Moshe began to hope and dance around me excitedly and Mrs. Cohen smiled happily at me, I felt thrilled and like an idiot at the same time.

That, I believe today, was my very first public speaking experience. Ha!

Post that experience, I went on with my life in India and became an engineer at the age of twenty-three. Then a few years later, I left home and traveled the world doing business, raising kids of my own, and becoming a useful contributor in social and business circles until one day.

One day, at the age of forty-something, I headed a business organization in the Philippines, and at a conference; I had to introduce the chief guest, a presidential candidate in the Philippines at that time. I thought it would be easy. In fact, I thought it would be easy peasy, lemon squeezy but when I stepped up behind the lectern the heebie-jeebies hit me. I could not meet the eyes of the 300 odd people in front of me. I stuttered I blabbered, my mouth went dry and I made a total mess of the task. It was an absolute disaster. I was embarrassed that I wanted to bury my head into the ground and stay there for the rest of my living days. Also, that presidential candidate did not even come close to winning that election back in 1996 and I seriously suspect my introduction of him might have been the main cause for his failure.

Anyway, post that day I promised myself I will not such an incident ever occur again in my life. I promised myself that I will learn to face all kinds of audiences, I will learn to speak well in public and I will be able to speak upon different subjects with ease and élan. After that I immersed myself deeply into the paradigms and principles of public speaking and personal development. Over time my knowledge, skills, and confidence began to improve. Very soon instead of just learning it, I also began to coach others in the paradigms and practices of self-development.

Soon I acquired certificates, diplomas, and deeper knowledge of the principles. Over the last twenty years and more, I have run 1000s of workshops, delivered 100s of keynotes, and personally coached c-level executives across countries and cultures. And, it has been a long, happy, and very fulfilling journey in this profession that has gotten hold of my passion. The other day, an organization asked me to share my story and the things that I may have learned along the way. I have learned a lot and here are just three things that I believe make for a good speaker-leader. A ‘speaker-leader’ because I truly believe that the two are inseparable sisters, two sides of a coin which I like to call ‘the Voice of Leadership.’ Here are three little things believe will, eventually, help you find your leadership voice:

Come From Love:

Professional speakers across the world agree that the one thing that makes them be heard, be trusted, and be influential is when their audiences believe that the speaker-leader cares for their people. When leaders have care and respect for their people then connection, engagement, and influence become a cinch.

Every time I have stepped up on the stage, whether it be at the end of a table or behind a lectern, I performed well, I created tons of value when I cared for and respected the audience. Every time I forgot this fact and became excessively self-centered, I hardly delivered any value.

The practice I follow is that on event morning I spend some time meditating and reminding myself that my core objective is to care, respect, and serve. Then, several times before stepping up to the lectern, I remind myself that my core objective is to care, respect, and create value. This habit never fails to create magic.

When you come from love then your leadership voice becomes that of compassion and empathy. People sense and love that and respond positively.

Stand Up Speak Up:

This is about being authentic and true to your feelings and beliefs. It is also about being cognizant not just of the content but also the context of conversations. It is being brave and vulnerable at the same

Many years ago, at another presidential conference, the president of the country was late in coming. So to fill up time and entertain the people in the halls the organizers requested one of the local, popular singers to fill up the airtime. After belting out a few songs, she resorted to calling people up on stage to sing with her. One of her victims was an expatriate to the country who did not know the language or the local culture. Soon through her jokes, she turned him into a laughing stock.

He had no idea what was going on. I understood what was going and I felt bad for him. I turned to a few people in the room and said we should call this out but they just shrugged and asked me to let it pass. I was annoyed, almost angry, and wanted to call out the entertainer for her actions but I did not. I stayed glued to my seat as if my body were filled with cold lead. The moment passed but the ugly feeling it left inside me did not move on.

Post that moment, I began to perceive both the entertainer woman perpetrator and the expatriate victim with kindness and mercy. I figured that because of her lack of cultural sensitivity and lack of political correctness she knew not what she was doing. The expatriate person knew not what was going on. I was the one who could have stood up and spoken up. Since then, to redeem myself, I have not just sharpened my own sense of cultural sensitivities but also coached hundreds of senior executives across cultures to stand up and speak up sensitively and with respect for diversity.

When you make efforts to stand up and speak up in challenging and sensitive circumstances with the right choice of words and demeanor, you begin to exercise your voice of courage and authenticity. People respect that and turn towards you for guidance and direction.

Get Into the Pit Often:

All kinds of talent need nurturing and care. That is why dancers dance, singers sing and writers write with consistency and as a discipline.

For enhancing your communication, skills take and accept every opportunity to present at, to host or to facilitate meetings. Professional speakers will tell you that scores of times they will take up non-paid speaking assignments to keep their skills honed. Those that want to hone their leadership skills will tell you that they will take up responsibilities and risks to be on top of their game.

With repetitive practice and experience, you reach a point where you no longer need to think about what you are doing. You become competent without the significant effort that characterizes the state of conscious competence.

Thus, the way to get into the pit often to seek opportunities where you can get to speak or take charge of an assignment or a project to lead. As and when you have these opportunities make a sincere effort to place your best foot forward, learn, and grow with your successes and from failures. Over time, you will see that your success to failure ratio improves.

When you make getting into the pit often a discipline then your discipline pays off and your voice, over time, becomes known as the voice of wisdom and experience.

Living out and putting these, habits will work at cleansing and strengthening your value systems. You will learn to become more and more authentic in your ways. You will learn to choose, form, and express your thoughts in such that people will easily connect, engage and be influenced by you. When your competencies enhance you will recognize that you think, speak and act from a place that is true and strong for you. You will speak and act in such a way that people will not just stand up and applaud for you but will people stand up and respond with a “Let’s march to the dreams and the sounds her voice!””

Decades ago, my elder sister, Didee was on the right track when she used to run me off in an ill-fitting suit and a necktie to our English-speaking neighbors saying they will be nice, they will accept me as I am and over time I will transform into a better version of myself.

Clarity and Assertiveness

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Do you miss achieving your life and career goals at times?

Then take a second look at how you define your goals and express them.

For some time I have been working with a C-Level Executive who, a few months ago, chucked a plush job he had been holding for a good many years. This happened in the midst of the 2020 COVID pandemic when many others were tightening their holds on whatever was worthy of getting a stronger hold on. Upon questioning, I gathered that he was tired of the job and that he had potential that needed to be unleashed. Therefore, he signed off, took a vacation, took up newer studies, and acquired new skills, which decidedly made him sharper, and a force to be reckoned with in his field of choice was Sales and MArketing.

Lo behold, job offers began to pour in from friends, former colleagues, and companies that knew of his capabilities and character.

One of the calls came from a large, national banking group. My client, let us call him John Doeromeo, was excited and agreed for the first interview. ‘Chat,’ they called it instead of an interview. John came to me and asked for tips and a mock interview. Not that he needed any self-presentation tips, but I guess he just felt it might make me feel good as his coach.

Alright, so what are your reasons for wanting this job?

Actually, I do not think that I want this job. It is not an industry I want to be in.

Huh, so why so the interview?

I just want to test the market test my abilities to respond in an interview.

Will that be fair to them and to the person who referred you?

You are right. No, it will not. Well, since I have already committed to the chat, I might as well hear what they have to say. He defended.

What kind of industry do you want to be in?

Something global, something innovative, and perhaps with a reputable consumer brand. Lego?”

Sure. Okay, good luck with that!

A few days later, on the phone.

Yo coach, that was not the first interview it was their final one. They already made me an offer to join them.

I thought you did not want the job.

Yes, I did not but they were very impressed with the marketing ideas I had for their business.

You presented plans for the first interview. How does that align with you not wanting the job in the first place?

What do you mean, Coach?

You did not WANT the job, yet you shared ideas. What kind of message are you sending?

Right, Coach! I will send them and be as direct as possible. Besides their offer was ridiculously low.

Again, what exactly are we turning down?

The job. The industry.

Another few days later, on the phone again.

Coach, they doubled their offer and it is still Insulting!

They did! Did you state exactly what your career dreams were?

Yes, I thanked them for their first offer and told them that I used to make much more and was not sure about working for a bank.

And, that you think was straight and assertive enough?

I thought I would be polite and break it gently to them.

Since that did not work would you like to try to be more direct?

Hmm, I see your point. They will be calling me soon and I will be firm.

A day later.

Coach that bank person sent an email, threw in a chauffeur-driven SUV, and still want to talk to me. Now what? Help me!

End of story.

John and I then had a long, slow chat about becoming truly clear, about what is that we desire. His words and behavior clouded his true intentions not just to himself but to his audience too. From the viewpoint of his audience, it seemed as if he were interested and his discussions about monetary issues, always, come across as a negotiation for more money.

John saw the wisdom in these exchanges and as of now, I believe he may still be composing his thoughts on how to say a proper, polite, and absolute no.

now an example like this may appear light and easy to spot by many of us but when we are in the midst of conversations such as this one we tend to water down our exact wants, creating confusion and strained relationships.

Becoming squeaky clean and clear about our wants and goals takes intellect and willpower. Expressing our desires in simple, straight and non-offensive assertions may appear harsh to start with, but clears our paths faster.

Five tips for you:

  1. Think through thoroughly. Write down exactly what is it that you want with your career or your business. Taking time out to think deeply and then putting pen on paper provides clarity for yourself and locks down the goal.
  2. Share it with a friend. Expressing our desires in simple terms to a friend has the effect of revalidation upon our own selves. When we hear our intentions being framed into expressions, the effect is like that of a mantra.
  3. Assert the language. State the goals in clear, precise and future-realized words like-“At the end of the 3rd quarter of next year, I will be heading the marketing department of LEGO Asia.” When you do this, you are creating the exact frame to fit yourself into.
  4. Be unapologetic. Many years I came across a concept, “fear of success.” It took me a while to understand it. It is not the first success that we hesitate from but from the facts that we may to sustain the success and continue to strive harder, we hesitate considering the misconceived and ill side effects of say getting rich. Alternatively, we hesitate from happiness fearing the nights that may follow after. These fears are unfounded. We are meant to shine
  5. Stay on the path. Sometimes, after we assign a timeline to our goals we cannot really assess if external circumstances will influence our assessments of time. Take for example, how drastically the pandemic of 2020 set back so many plans and businesses.

The world in all its diverse glory is also quite complicated; the task of connecting the dots in life to move forward is a complex process. Getting a high-resolution clarity on our intentions lays down a very strong cornerstone to build our castles upon. Exerting assertiveness at work and in relationships is not a mean and selfish behavior but is the simplest part of growth and development. The words of Marianne Williamson do justice and act as boosters to being clear and assertive with our intentions: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.”

When my friend, John Doeromeo, was in conversation with the bank, he was saying no in a roundabout way and the bank was reading it as his way of negotiating for more.  Like John, many of us, often, end up short-changing our desires out of courtesy and compassion towards others. There is no harm in that, but do consider the fact that like charity, courtesy and compassion can begin at home.

 

Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash

Receiving with Grace

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On a Christmas morning, a few years ago, my kids and I were sitting surrounded by tons of gift wrappers and ribbons from the gifts we had shared. They were happily chatting away and enjoying the warmth of the moment. I was sizing up the trash and thinking of all the time, money and energy people spend on gifts.

My displeasure was visible on my face and they saw it. “What’s it, Pops?” asked my youngest, twenty-something daughter.

“Ah-uhm, it is all this gift-giving and gift-receiving. I think we spend a lot of time, money and energy on these things,” I replied tersely.

“But, its Christmas Pops, and this is our tradition, our custom and our way of sharing, caring and expressing love Tatay,” added my eldest son, earnestly.

“My closets are full of shirts, shoes, socks and stuff that I do not need. I think this whole thing is a big sham and I am tired of it,” I snapped back.

I said this on a Christmas morning! In the Philippines! This was the ultimate sacrilege!

Their jaws dropped, their smiles disappeared and tears began to well up in their eyes. Humbled and hurt, they walked away and left me in my dark corner. For the rest of that week they were all moving about quietly, like zombies, like depressed zombies if there is such a thing as depressed zombies. I spent the rest of the week in the same dark corner gathering dust and cobwebs.

 

In my mind, there were scores of philosophical and anthropological questions like:

Who, in heaven’s name had invented the stupid idea of giving and receiving gifts, and why?

What kind of a stupid cave dweller had killed a pig, stuffed it in a can, and called it Christmas Ham?

Which ‘Kayumangi’ placed a red ribbon on a rotten fish and exchanged it with a neighbor for a smelly turkey? And, where exactly did he get a red ribbon from?

These were very important questions but the real questions I was avoiding were;

“What kind of a nincompoop, idiot father was I?

What was WRONG with me?

What had I done?”

For the next many days, the kids stayed ‘zombified.’ I felt like I were a pig, a rotten fish, and a smelly turkey. I felt like an Ebenezer Scrooge turned inside out. The week passed, and the year came to a slow, gruesome end but no answers, nothing. Zilch!

All night on New Year’s Eve, the ghosts of Christmas haunted me, and at dawn, as I lay in bed, thankfully, the answers came to me. It was not the size, the shape, the quality of the shirts, shoes, socks that my kids were dumping upon me. It was not the fact that my closets were falling apart from stuff I would never ever use.

 

It was the fact that my kids had all grown up, they had begun to have their own lives, their own monies, and their own choices. They were not as needy and dependent on me as they were when they were really kids.  I was becoming less and less important to them. That is what was eating me up on the inside. That was the ugly, unfounded fear that gnawing away at my happiness. Many times in life, we unconsciously practice deceiving our own thoughts, feelings, and self.

The realization made me very sad. I wanted to cry but my pride would not allow tears to roll down my face. You see, I consider myself a self-made man. I have never leaned on anyone in my life. I have never wanted support. I am a supporter, a builder and I like people to depend on me, and not the other way around. I did not cry but I swore to myself that I would change. I will learn to accept anything and everything that comes my way with grace, especially from my kids because they were all extensions of myself.

In the months and years to follow, I kept my promise and I changed. I continued to receive shoes, socks, and tee-shirts but I also began to receive cell phones, cameras, and even cars. Two years ago, my middle son bought me a huge farm and placed a beautiful house on it for me. I received everything with grace and joy.

Today, years later, I know that receiving with grace is a beautiful gift in itself. When we receive well, we make the giver feel good. They turn into bigger and better human beings, and that becomes our gift to them.

Last week my daughter drove 100 miles back and forth from the city to drop off something. I hoped it was not shirts, shoes or socks. No, she said, it was something for the farm. Here is what she brought a mini-spade, a mini-shovel, and a mini-rake for a one-hectare farm! Disregarding the size and the usefulness of these things I received them all with grace and made my daughter feel good.

Now, I do not have any advice for you Filipinos. Caring, sharing and giving is your life and your culture. Expressing love is embedded into your bone marrows, into your DNA. All I request is that you come across a senior Shrek like me from a different culture then please be kind and patient with us. Allow us to learn how to receive with grace and that will be your gift to us.

Mabuhay and an advance, Merry Christmas to you all!

How Not To Regret Past Choices  

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Man is stuck in a steel-walled room where the walls are closing in on him swiftly. In a matter of minutes, he is bound to be crushed to death. There is no escape. There is no way out and nobody will come for him. He has pushed, pulled, kicked, banged the walls, and shouted out his lungs. Nothing happened. Death is inevitable!

Then suddenly three doors, simultaneously, begin to slide open in front of him. Through the first one he gets a peep at ferocious beasts scrambling to get at him. Through the second one he gets to peep at snakes, scorpions, and other fanged reptiles trying to creep into the room. And, through the third one he notices piles of yucky garbage pouring in from all sides. Meanwhile, the steel walls are still inching in towards him dangerously.

He does his math and leaps into the door that has loads and loads of yucky garbage pouring in from all sides. He is free. He outwitted sure death and oblivion. Thrilled at his choice and his decision-making abilities he, happily, begins to wade through the garbage hoping to find light and freedom.

Hours and, maybe, days go by and the man is still battling his way through the smells, the filth, and the sickness. Soon his spirits begin to drop and he begins to start cursing his luck, his circumstances and spirals down into regret and unhappiness.

Given the resources, at a certain slice in time, we make the best possible choices we can. At the first instant we thrill at the choices we may have made and then atrophy sets in. We begin to regret choices and circumstances totally forgetting the context and the chance moment that influenced the choices we made.

People do this at work, in life when it comes to making decisions about our health, wealth, and relationships. We hang on to the content and, slowly but steadily, let the context dissipate and fade away into the ether. Sometimes, we even blame and are bitter about the person that may have been a guardian or a guide to the doorway that opened up to that garbage street.

And, I am not not guilty of this habit myself. Oftentimes, I find myself lost in reverie thinking about why I chose what I chose to say, do or be. An example is that moving from high school into college, I chose to study engineering even though my heart was in the arts and letters. Studying to be an engineer assured me of a job given that my family needed support. Taking up the arts only assured pleasure and joy. Today, decades later, I am in a way involved in the arts that is because my needs to survive and be safe are not as demanding as they were back in the day.

Thankfully, over the years I have learned how to quickly snap out of that reverie and get realistic not just about the past, but also about the present and the future. This does not mean crossing out using my failures as feedback. Well, as we all say it now, not ‘feedback’ but it is ‘feed forward’ for me.

How exactly do I do it?

Well, our mind is a little crazy, and a little biased when it comes to recalling life incidents. It justifies our actions and our choices in the way it prefers to and then influences us to repeat and rerun its edited version of reality such that over time we forget and forego of the edits and get completely indulged in self-created fiction.

What I do is that I take a drive down memory lane and regurgitate several other facts of that moment or period of time when I took that life-impacting decision. So there were these three influences that tipped me over into becoming an engineer instead of an artist of some kind.

One, the family needed some financial support and quick. Dad had suffered a stroke and Mom had rheumatoid arthritis for years. I felt responsible and I took the route that would increase my chances of getting a job quickly and fetch me a better dollar than that earned by artists and poets at that time. Actually, the poets and the artists at time did not even get jobs flipping burgers because there were no burger stands in India of that time.

Two, my maternal uncle who had dropped out of an arts college, put up an engineering company serving the needs of cinema halls in a rapidly growing movie industry in India of the seventies and eighties. His business was doing really good and he had flashed some of the cheques that he would pick up from his contractual work.  Being of a very impressionable age, the amounts scrawled on those cheques would make my jaws plunge.

Three, I had scored really good at high school and the numbers on my report card were more befitting towards working towards being an engineer than towards being a dream-ridden artist. I gave in to peer pressure. Well, I did say, I was of an impressionable age then.

There! Uploading of such relevant and objective facts about a period in our lives when we make life-impacting decisions helps us get a perspective, become objective and learn to accept and be accountable for the choices in life we make.

The same strategy of looking back at many other, big and small, life choices helps to accept the current consequences with dignity and grace. This is being accountable to yourself about your own life. It is about not letting context wash away and clinging on to just the cold content of things.

Yes, it works and it helps improve my lot a lot. I would like you to think about this. From within this framework look at your lives: your marriage, your career, your business, and all other decisions you make in life. Remember these words that given the internal and external resources we have at a given moment; we make the best possible choices.

Living out this philosophy will never make things go back and straighten them out.  Turning this philosophy a regular practice will not reduce the ups and downs of life ahead but, for sure, it will dampen our habits of regretting past choices.

Take a look at that story of the man trapped in a room whose walls were closing in on him and he chose one out of the three doors that opened up to him. Think of all the times that you have been trapped in a situation where your abilities, resources, and abilities only offered you three possibilities and you chose the lesser evil. Yes, you chose it like you may have done hundreds and thousands of times before. Like you will forevermore.

Measure Twice, Cut Once

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Like many families during the partition of India and Pakistan in 1947, my Dad and his family had to give up their estates, their businesses, and their heritage to move to India.

After being homeless and hopeless and moving from one city to another, he settled down in small-town Pune and went into the business of making school bags to support us.

Way into the 1970s, he was still in the same business. His business involved buying scrap from large fabric mills in Mumbai, cut them by hand at home, and then farm them out to cottage-based workers to assemble. The bags were pretty, colorful, light, and inexpensive. They were also a rage with the followers of John Lennon in quaint little Pune. The income was meager but it supported a growing family of five kids. Some of us even made it to college because of hand-made byDad.

At times, at home, my siblings and I helped out in trimming, buttoning, folding, and bundling the bags by dozens so Dad, helped by elder brother could bring them to market. More than trimming, buttoning, and folding the bags, I was awed by how Dad could, skillfully and gracefully, hand-cut dozens of them every morning. I begged to be taught how to cut. He consented and my training began. I was eager to zip, zap and zoop with my scissors and pile up cut goods like he used to but he’d keep asking me to flatten the fabric, align it correctly and measure carefully. “Measure Twice, Cut Once,” he’d say every time I hurried to pick up the heavy steel scissors and chop away at the fabrics.

Even though he hadn’t licensed me yet to cut goods on my own, one Sunday morning while he was out, I picked up a pile of fabric and began to chop away hoping to impress him when he got back. When he did get back and laid his eyes upon my handiwork, instead of a smile crossing his face, his jaw dropped and his eyes hardened against mine. As I looked into his eyes I knew something had gone wrong. I quickly picked up the measuring tape, checked the cut goods and my heart sank. The front of the bags did not match the back of the bags and the sides were all tilted. When I looked up at him with shame his eyes softened and he said, “Measure Twice, Cut Once the next time around.”

Years later, I put up a factory, shipping garments to customers across the world. Except for the original patterns on paper, all other bulk work was computerized and cut by machines. This, of course, did not guarantee flawlessness and perfection but it saved time and money and enhanced quality. All through those days of turning around tons of goods, my silent mantra to myself used to be “Measure Twice, Cut Once.” By these days of my adulthood, Dad had, of course, moved on in life but at every achievement of mine, I’d feel him smiling at me from the skies.

Staying with the principle of Measure Twice, Cut Once helped. It cut down costs, cut down errors, and rework. It built a culture of caution, precision, and quality consciousness at work.

Beyond the production floor and the workplace, the idea of thinking through twice before taking all decisions helped. No, it did not lead to analysis paralysis but it created a cross-check and kept decision-making objective and in perspective.

In matters of health, I thought twice about having that second glass of wine before driving. I thought twice about adding that second spoon of sugar to my cup of tea and I thought twice about skipping the gym and spending time on the couch watching television.

In matters of wealth, I thought twice about indulging in toys for big boys. I thought twice about that extra pair of shoes just because they looked like something I’d always wanted. I thought twice about investing in ventures that seemed shaky or shady and I thought twice about making or accepting promises that seemed hard to keep from the very start.

In matters of relationship, I took extra care before hitching my wagon onto somebody else’s horses. Also, once I went into a relationship I did not just snip away at the threads without fully thinking through with my head and heart about the matter. Measure twice, before you cut once, I’d say to myself while sorting things out.

All this did not guarantee an error-free life but it did reduce regrets and lessened correcting things that do go wrong at times. All this also did not squash spontaneity, creativity or the spirit of adventure in life.

Given that, I do invite you to go veer out onto the edge of living. I also urge you to go stretch your limits to the maximum. I also invite you to bungee jump but make sure that the harness and safety string is in place more than just once. Yep, Measure Twice and Cut Once, is not just a great idea for carpenters and tailors but works fabulously for family and business heads, bankers, inventors, and entrepreneurs of all kinds.

Now before I post this, I will make sure to read it twice before I hit ‘upload.’

Enjoy!

Touch Move and Self-Mastery

Many times in my life, I have had to sit across lawyers and have a conversation or two with them. The content of those conversations is at times of progress and at times of resolving tricky business and relationship issues. For decades, my lawyer to go to has been an old friend, Ranjeet Srinivasan, from my college days. In his younger days, he was chirpy, vibrant, and extremely intelligent. Not that he lacks any of those characteristics now but he has added on several whiskers of wisdom over the years.

On many occasions, I have seen him immerse into multiple, long-drawn, conversations with his clients while at the same browsing, marking, commenting, responding, and signing scores of documents that are placed in front of him. People bring him business scenarios, life stories bundled in tons of flak and noise while he sits there coolly hearing, absorbing, sifting, and sorting from facts from the fiction; gently, carefully, asking questions; making suggestions or requesting for time to think things through.

It is an awesome sight to witness. It is like watching a virtuoso working on multiple canvasses with scores of brushes held in tens of hands. It is a beautiful dance of conversations that convert chaos into works of art.

What does it take to be like that?

It takes living out the rule of ‘Touch Move’ from the game of chess before speaking, before taking action. It takes mastering the shenanigans of our own minds by our own mind. It takes accepting the millions of moments, opportunities, and annoyances as they present themselves without being controlled by the pain or pleasures those moments might bring towards us. It takes recognizing that we live in a beautiful world but it can become crazy and complex. It takes courage, compassion, and creativity to work in sync with nature and treating all other living beings fairly and justly.

Touch Move and Self-MAstery by Raju Mandhyan

The touch move rule is the most basic rule of chess. It means, when a player touches any one of his pieces, she must make a legal move. It means your word must be kept. It means you stay accountable for your actions and it means there is no turning back.

What does it do?

It prevents impulsiveness, regressions, and regrets. It influences players to think ahead logically, strategically, and creatively. It gives every player, every entity, and system a fair chance. It drives people into becoming sane, authentic, and influencers of a brand new and brave world.

German philosopher and chess player, Emanuel Lasker, could not have said it better with, “On the chessboard, lies, and hypocrisy do not survive long. The creative combination lays bare the presumption of a lie; the merciless fact, culminating in the checkmate, contradicts the hypocrite.”

There is no doubt that the pieces of our lives have to be influenced to win; to grow but the call remains for authenticity and ethics all the time. Therein lies self-mastery. Therein probably also lies the mastery of our domains.

I do not know if my friend, Ranjeet Srinivasan, plays chess but I do know he practices massive self-mastery all the time. There are five things that I believe he rigorously practices consciously and, maybe, unconsciously:

Self-awareness and Discipline: He knows his values and sorts facts from fiction created by his own mind with consistency.

Courage and Patience: He faces fear with clarity and is patient towards what might still be ambiguous to him on the road ahead.

Wisdom and Compassion: He knows what serves a value-driven vision and is forgiving towards whom he does not see eye to eye.

Fairness and Justice: He was schooled for the legal kind but age and experience have honed his moral compass to a higher degree.

Action and Initiative: He rarely sits on the fence of decision-making. After all the deep and broad thinking he takes action without fear and accepts all results without regrets or excessive excitement.

Life is no different from a game of chess. The playground for most everyone is this beautiful earth; this beautiful gift of life. We all start with a bunch of minimal resources from ground zero and then move up by inches or by yards. Some move forward with a twist, while others trudge along in straight lines. Many hesitate or haste or regress while others, those that touch move, take in the big picture and move their small pieces carefully, creatively, and confidently.

These last 20 months have been extremely tough for a large number of people across the world. We are all faced with a very persistent, tough, and ruthless opponent in COVID. Winning this war, at work or in life, will call us to think through every move multiple times before we touch the pieces. But move we must, and win we will, when we master ourselves first.

 

 

Photo by GR Stocks on Unsplash

imagination, intelligence and integrity

Upon watching my video ‘Linking IDENTITY to INTENTION,” Rose, a friend, asked me a question. Raju, she said, after I have figured out who exactly I am; after I really and truly know IDENTITY and I have also cleared up what I want ion life: what my true INTENTIONS are, how do I traverse that journey? How do I exactly get from here to there?

Many years ago, I sat in the front row at a talk given by my friend Jim Cathcart author of the beautiful book, Acorns to Oaks. In the book, written more than two decades ago, Jim talks about how within every acorn there is a map encoded as to what size and shape of an oak tree it will grow into. I absolutely agree and believe that there is the inbuilt intention that evolves into reality through proper usage of our intelligence, imagination soaked in integrity.

However, before I get to those three enablers, here’s what Jim Cathcart was showing and telling us from the stage: He had planted himself onto a spot on the left side of the stage and said, “let us assume that this is the spot where you are at in your life. This is who you are now.” He then took five long strides towards the right side of the stage and planted himself on a spot and said, “let us assume that this where you want to be. This is who you want to be.” He walked back to spot one, turned in the direction of spot two, and said, “Every single day, every single moment start believing, behaving, saying, and doing things as if you were already on spot two. Think like the person you want to be, walk like the person you want to be, and talk like the person you want to be,” he urged us all. When you do this over a certain period, you will soon find yourself on spot two. You will become who you want to be.

I was blown away by his words. They stuck to me like superglue. I have never been able to peel the idea away. From that day on, I have walked from many a spot to another spot in my life. If my younger self from all those first spots were to see me now, he would never recognize himself.

This is not about the ‘fake it, till you make it,’ thing. This is something deeper and there is neuroscientific reasoning behind it. When you create an abstract, visual, distant dye to mold yourself into then millions of connections begin to spark off inside your head until you arrive at that ideal self in the future. This process works and it works beautifully. This is the core idea in the blog Linking IDENTITY to INTENTION.

Throughout the journey from here to there, you will need these three enablers: imagination, intelligence, and integrity.

Imagination is to make unseen connections between your thoughts, your strengths with what is visible but vague at times. Imagination to compare the processes, strategies and to learn from the experiences of others. The playground of life and work is constantly shifting. Streets get crowded and unseen hurdles come up. Stretching your mind a bit towards the unseen helps you see ahead of the curve when going from here to there.

Intelligence is to be able to place two and two together and make sure they end up as four. It is the correct and consistent assessment of actions and words we use. It is about keeping an open mind, learning, and not be dissuaded by slow days. It is about creating SMART goals and evaluating them frequently against the desired future and external influences.

Now many people who figure this out for themselves and begin to succeed with this strategy of linking IDENTITY to INTENTIONS sometimes forget to take care of others, of ethics and ecology. It is agreed that each individual is unique and the journey of each and every individual is unique yet it is a crowded, interrelated world. We, as individuals, do live in a vacuum; we are all interconnected by unseen strong and gentle strings. Pulling too hard or leaning too heavily on other systemic relations can create strain and cause harm. So think hard, maybe twice as much before taking decisions. Think far and wide, think of all interconnected relationships and play fair by universal values. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.

Rose, there is no other secret beyond this. This is as good as it gets. Many paradigms of success out there will drown and drain you. Keep it simple and follow this path patiently, persistently, and with a lot of faith in your own self. Persistence does not equate to hard-headedness, it equates to not how often you fall but how often you get up and get back. Yes, the discipline demands very resilient guts of steel and emotional sinew.

When you get to where you want to be, do remember to say thank you to my friend, Jim Cathcart.

Linking Identity to Intentions

Years ago, a friend of mine who had recently acquired life-coach training and a certificate, offered to get me out of the life rut that I was in at that time. Side note: most all of us are in some kind of a rut at some time. Often these ruts root from our own state of mind, and the actions we may or may not be taking. Anyway, so Coach sits me down across a cup of coffee and begins with a ‘how are you?’ and moves into unpeeling my internal hurdles to growth.

 

Linking IDENTITY to INTENTIONS

Even though I was familiar with many similar processes, playing a true participant was fun. Incognizant of my knowhow, she trudged on with the process and I smilingly followed her simple but well-intentioned lead.

Halfway through the session, she said, “Raju now we’ve got to define your being.”

What do you mean?

We have to articulate your uniqueness as a human being in one sentence, she responded.

Okay.

As a person, what do you really and truly care for, she asked.

Well, I care for honesty. I care for courage. I care that people ought to be compassionate and kind to each other, I responded.

What else, she went on?

Uh, I also do like when people speak and say exactly what they mean and mean what they. That is important to me; I said and smiled.

And, what do you want to be doing in the coming five to ten years, she asked.

I would like to be reading, writing, studying the sciences and philosophies. I would like to be helping others get clarity then lead a happy and fulfilling life. Yes, that is what I would like to be doing, I replied confidently.

Right, she replied, so your uniqueness Raju is that you are a courageous, compassionate, authentic being who wants to help other beings get clarity then lead a happy and fulfilling life.

I smiled, and she said, could you articulate that sentence and then write it down on a piece of paper, please?

I did.

Then she asked me memorize that statement to remind me of who I was and what my intentions were. I must confess, that it felt good and uplifting at that moment but for the life of me, I could not ever remember those words as they were strung together. Though I kept that piece of paper, I could never recite that sentence from memory. Even as of this writing, those words sound beautiful but are a bit misty on my mind.

My Coach friend that day was trying to steel weld the link between my identity and my intentions. She was doing this because linking both these extremes integrates people. Knowing yourself correctly and knowing what you want precisely makes for a powerful partnership towards success.

Your identity is the sum total of all that you believe in and all that you value. These beliefs and these values, over your lifetime, have accumulated into a single entity…you. Your genetic structure, your environment, your influences, your education, and your experiences keep stacking up into becoming you. For a large part of your life, you have little control on these elements but overtime you begin to take charge. You begin to choose and carve out your own self. You begin to become a Michael Angelo to your own David-you. Yes, it does matter how early on in your life you pick up the chisel and hammer and how consciously, courageously, creatively, compassionately, and constructively you begin to use these tools. Therein lies self-mastery. Therein, your identity morphs your intentions into destiny.

In my experience, there are many schools of thought and a variety of processes, which will equip you with the abilities to carve out your desired destinies. There are many methods, which help you connect your identity to your intentions. I believe my Coach friend was using one of the better ones, back in the day.

For you, may I offer five questions, which will walk you through a similar process? Reflecting upon these questions deeply will help you ‘know thyself’ better. Answering these questions with courage and precision will propel you towards your desired. I suggest, take paper and pen and write your responses in simple and succinct words. Sketch your thoughts if you can and prefer.

  1. What are a few human behaviors that turn you on the most?

When I say, “turn you on” I mean, they either appeal or anger you massively. If they appeal to you then they are something you value. If they anger you then the opposite of those behaviors are what you value.

At this point, let me briefly define values. Values are strongly held beliefs about life, living; about what is right, wrong, or fair. Our values influence the choices we make and the actions we take. Some values are imposed and influenced upon us, while others are our true choices. It is possible that you may value wealth and it is possible that you will value commitment. The first is a terminal value, sometimes called a goal while the second one is an instrumental value.

Choosing a few from both types is fine as long as you reflect deeply, honestly and think through the pros and cons of each value. Do remember that who you are and what you want; your identity and your intentions are not stationary objects. They are in a state of constant flux; improving, growing, and evolving every day.  For example, years ago, personal freedom was something I valued. Today, I value kindness and compassion.

  1. What are those one or two things that most consume your time and energy daily?

What consumes my energy most is putting together sciences, philosophies, and practices of human behavior. Most of my time is spent in thinking, reflecting, writing, presenting and publishing principles for people development. I value growth and emancipation.

What might be consuming your energies might be business ideas, news, literature, discussions and studies. Thus, your values might be enterprise, productivity, wealth accumulation or even service.  You could be a parent whose life and times are filled with how to raise and nurture children. Thus, your values might be parental love or family.

Anything. As long as you know and recognize it as something, that occupies your mind and heart. That is what you value. There is no need to compare our values with others. This is not a contest. Everyone is unique. All we are doing here is acknowledging what we indulge in most of the time. 

  1. What do you dream about? More specifically, what do you daydream about?

What is that constant conversation that is going on in your head about the future? No, not about what happened in the past. What is it that you think about when you sit by a window and gaze into the clouds? What kind of reverie do you get lost in while you are wide-awake and calm?

When you reflect upon this question, be cautious of words like, ‘I should, I need to, I must, I have to, etc.,” Statements with words such as these are driven by values imposed and influenced by your environment and others. You want to listen to statements that lighten up your daydreams. Statements with words like, ‘I choose, I want, I love, etc.’

The thoughts during these quiet moments are a dance between your unconscious and your conscious mind. It is a challenging conversation to capture but when cued by this question it is possible to remember the essence of your daydreaming.

  1. What exactly, unconditionally do you want?

Yes, this requires a bold response. A very bold, clear, and perhaps even a radical-to-your-environment response.  Do note that as an individual in the game of life with another 7.5 Billion people, you do have to make certain adjustments; you have to abide by the rules of society.

Yet through all those demands, all that noise and traffic you need to pin your destination so you can chart out a map. If you will not be able to spell out the exact coordinates of your destination then there is no way that the map will take you to where you want to go.

Yes, at a later stage, a strategy will have to be devised and goals will have to be set. For now, it is important to sit back, run through all the knick-knacks that make up for your life and decide on what in heaven’s name do you really want.

At this stage, the conversations between your conscious and unconscious mind need to be taking place in the cerebral cortex without the irrational fears that lurk in the unconscious.

  1. What are the things, in your current state of affairs, which you are willing to let go?

An eagle atop a cliff, when she wants to reach a higher point, needs to leap off the cliff. She needs to let go of safety, security, and comfort.

All our ideal, future states are always a distance away in time and in space. Thus, the travel from here to there has a cost, effort and time involved.

Think about this very carefully and logically. The things that you may have to let go of may not be ‘things’ in the literal sense. They might be hard-held beliefs, habits, or affections to safety and comfort. It is best to diligently list down ones you must part with.

Many years ago, I wanted to be more involved in my work in the other parts of the world but I kept hovering around and getting involved in India. The reason was that my affections towards an elder sister kept drawing me there. I knew what I wanted. I also could not let go. It was a value clash between what my heartfelt happiness with and what my head knew was better for my professional growth.

Answering this question carefully will let you leap off a cliff and land you onto the echelons of your choice.

Questions one to three will give you clarity into your own identity and self-knowledge. Questions three to five will solidify your intentions.

When these two sides are established and you dig in your heels with resolve then building a bridge between your identity and intentions will become an intuitive, automatic process. Every single moment, every single day, every little action you take will be a fruitful one.

It will be like laying bricks between two well-aligned pillars.

All through this process, your values and visions gain higher resolution. You become emotionally calm, confident, brave, authentic, and even compassionate towards all others who are on journeys of their own. The difference will be that you will ‘know thyself’ and know why and where you are headed.

Here are the five questions, all over again,

  1. What are a few human behaviors/factors that turn you on the most?
  2. What are those one or two things that most occupy your energy and daily time?
  3. What do you dream about? More specifically, what do you daydream about?
  4. What exactly, unconditionally do you want?
  5. What are the things, in your current state of affairs, which you are willing to let go?

Indulge and immerse yourself in these questions. Put your heart and mind into answering them such that you will never have to memorize stuff like,  “so your uniqueness Raju is that you are a courageous, compassionate, authentic being who wants to help other beings get clarity then lead a happy and fulfilling life.”

Have a good flight!

Enjoy the video on You Tube here: Linking IDENTITY to INTENTIONS

#values #visions #self-awareness #identity #intention #authentic #success

Freedom to Choose, Victor Frankl

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For the longest time, I have not just studied this process but over the years I have experienced and played with it a thousand times. The practice has converted the process into a way of life, my life.

The process was born out of Victor Frankl’s words and research as described in his wonderful book, Man’s Search of Meaning. According to Frankl, while the environment that surrounds a person has an impact, he is totally free to choose his own path. Even in the most critical, toxic surroundings, a person always has the freedom to choose his response towards all stimuli, thus towards his life.

What exactly is the process?

Every time, we are exposed to any stimulus, we respond or, often, we react. Not that all external stimulus is harmful and toxic yet responding automatically, quickly and unmindfully we give up control, we end up letting the environment and circumstances take charge and begin to shape our destiny as they please. The external stimulus might be made up of sight, sound, taste, or touch like good music or a beautiful aroma but the moment it grabs and draws us away the future is decided by that stimulus.

On the contrary, every time we are exposed to any such stimuli if we give those oncoming stimuli a moment, a ponder, and take time to mindfully analyze and choose it then we begin to have control over it and, thus, we begin to design our own destinies with faith and confidence.

The process thus involves being mindful of all the stimuli that come towards us and unto our consciousness through our senses without and within. All that comes towards us is really, first, just data. As soon as it hits our senses, we employ cognition and we categorize and label it to be either sight, sound, taste, touch, smell or even a thought-a memory from within. We then check our feelings about this incoming data. Either we like it or we do not or, at times, we make puny efforts to be neutral to it. Finally, once we have sensed and felt it and categorized it we act upon it.

All this happens in fractions of a second; consciousness, recognition, the feeling it derives and the action we take. The actions we take may be verbal or behavioral. The crux of the process lies in expanding this process. That means taking a fraction of a moment longer to recognize sense and then act upon it. Just a wee bit longer every time. This is what those with a monk-like attitude towards life do; this is what great leaders do. Instead of simply, automatically reacting they give incoming stimuli a pause, a breath and an extra thought thus converting most potentially loaded situations to positive and constructive outcomes.

This is human intelligence, our power to choose and gently have an impact on all the interactions and all the moments, ahead of us. Moments that make up for the miracles, we create. By making this habit a consistent practice, we make it our way of life and influence others and our environment.